You’ve seen a lot from me lately on “High-Value Relationships” and I haven’t even warmed up fully yet. The reason is, that phrase gave a new sense of meaning to everything else I’ve been teaching and writing about over these past 31 years.

• When I look at my books on Relationship Selling, they are not just about people skills, they are about intentionally and consciously creating relationships with positive potential. They are about the intelligent orchestration of your life’s relationships to get you closer to your “Desired Outcomes.”
• In my psychological research for The Acorn Principle I studied the impact and value of primary relationships and how they make us who we are.
• My television show on TSTN.com is titled “The Purpose of Selling”, which is: “To build mutually profitable relationships.”
• As I’ve become more involved in my community and the country club I belong to, it has become obvious to me that the approach I’ve taken to the establishment and expansion of High-Value Relationships has been of great value to my reputation and my business as well as my social life.
• When I review my calendar to see how I’ve spent my time over the past few years I see lots of evidence that the conscious and intentional approach to “Relationships as Assets” has led me to some great friendships and many happy moments.

Your life is a series of relationships and the more intentional and conscious you are about the formation and development of them, the more likely you will be to reach your goals.

What is Relationship Intelligence ™?
It is taking an intelligent approach to the selection, cultivation and maintenance of your connections with others. It means weeding out the relationships that take value away from you and building on those that bring you value. Another way to look at it is; Treating Relationships as Assets. You look at your social circle, business circle, family circle and other key connections with an eye toward your Desired Outcomes (goals.) If a relationship contributes to your advancement or enhances your life you preserve it. If it doesn’t then you change it or eliminate it. It is being conscious and intentional about your connections with others. (I’ll be repeating this phrase often.)

Isn’t that kind of mercenary and uncaring?
Not at all. You do it every day. When you see someone who looks angry, dangerous or scary then you avoid them. If you have to deal with them in order to get what you need then you simply manage the interaction carefully and then move on to people you like to be with. I’m simply suggesting that you take that conscious and intentional approach to a higher level and start applying it to all of your relationships.

What is a High-Value Relationship (HVR)?
A High-Value Relationship is one in which both participants receive substantial benefits.
This could be mutual support, friendship, business referrals, revenue, sales, intellectual stimulation, spiritual inspiration or any number of other benefits. The key is that YOU consider the effects to be valuable and so does the other person. Each person is fully in charge of their own determination of value.

Does it have to be a business relationship?
Certainly not. A marriage is a High-Value Relationship and so is a teacher-student relationship. As long as both parties gain from it.

Why do I need HVRs?
Because relationships are the essence of your life and the more of them that are HVRs the more you will get what you want from life. If all you do is hang out with people who don’t care about you and who have no joy then your life will suck. Count on it. So, be intentional in choosing who you invest your energy and time with.

What are the qualities of a HVR?
There are three essential qualities in every high value relationship: 1. both parties are committed to the success of the relationship (it can’t be one sided), 2. there must be enough trust for the truth to flow freely, and 3. both of you need to understand what you can expect from the other person. You need clear agreements.

Do relationships have a life expectancy?
Interesting question, yes, relationships have life cycles related to their purpose for existence but many relationships evolve into broader areas and become even more important than originally intended. Likewise, some relationships that started off as vitally important tend to fade over time.

How do I know which relationships to invest in?
You don’t usually. So it is best to be optimistic about all your contacts with others. Who knows, the clerk who serves you today may be the son of the business executive who gives you the opportunity of a lifetime tomorrow. Emerson said, “Everyone in some way is my superior, in that I can learn from him.” A good attitude to hold.

What gives a relationship its value?
Your Desired Outcome determines the value potential of your relationships. If you want to become the Mayor of your city, many relationships suddenly become important to you. If you want a sale, the potential buyer becomes more important to you. And the degree to which you also can be valuable to the buyer or voter will determine whether there is a relationship or merely a transaction between you.

How can I reasonably treat all my relationships as HVRs?
You can’t. So the starting point is your “Inner Circle.” This is the 5 to 12 people who you get your major results through at this time. Think about who you work with most closely and rely upon most. These few people represent your “team.” If they are championship-level people then you have high capacity for performance. If they don’t possess much talent or skill then your success is currently inhibited.
Take a close look at who is in your present Inner Circle and assess what each brings to the party. If you are missing some vital abilities then Go Shopping! Find some people to bring actively into your life and begin to cultivate your relationships with them.

What is a relationship?
Another really good question! You hear a lot of admonitions to build relationships so it is important to define what one is. I believe that a relationship is a connection between people in which value is exchanged. The greater the value they e
xchange the stronger the relationship tends to be. Value could be encouragement, education, purchasing goods or services, support, love, or collaboration. The participants are the ones who determine the value.

For more on this topic, please explore the posts on my Relationship Intelligence Blog. I’d really enjoy hearing your thoughts on this topic too. Leave me a comment here, drop me an email or give me a call if I can be helpful to you.