What’s it like to be a professional speaker?

I’m often asked that question. Folks seem to romanticize Motivational Speaking and don’t really have a sense of what a month in the life might be like. If this is interesting to you then keep reading, here is an overview of my last 30 days, as a speaker and as a man.

Mid June, 2010 -

On Monday I was the guest host on a local radio show KKZZ AM1400 in Ventura and my featured guest was Darren Hardy, publisher of SUCCESS magazine. The next morning I was the 8th speaker in the 101 Leaders Institute seminar series here in Thousand Oaks/Westlake Village, California. My presentation was on “Relationship Intelligence®” and was very well received by the loyal attendees of this series. That night I played guitar and sang at Bogie’s Night Club and then watched the Lakers game with the other revelers. A great day all around.

On Wednesday, after a vigorous morning mountain hike with my friends in The Heartbreak Hiking Fools, and a coffee meeting with the publisher of CSQ magazine, I received a phone call from Good Shepherd Retirement Community that my Mother had experienced a heart attack and was taken to the hospital in Little Rock, Arkansas where she lives. I immediately called the hospital and spoke with both Mom and her doctor. More calls to some of my wife’s family in Little Rock helped assure that Mom would be OK till I could get there to be with her.

But there was a challenge; I was booked to deliver two 3-hour seminars in Bogota’, Colombia and Santiago, Chile the next Tuesday and Thursday. It was too late to find a replacement speaker who could make the travel arrangements and fit the bill, so after much consideration, then talking with and checking again on Mom, I committed to the trip.

Between phone calls to Mom and her care givers I did one more morning mountain hike, had dinner with friends at the Four Seasons Hotel and packed for South America. Early Sunday, on my son’s 12th wedding anniversary, I departed for Bogota’. Upon arrival a long line waited to go through Customs but after a couple of hours I was in the car headed for my hotel. A very long day.

My morning workout on Monday was followed by a very long drive across town to meet with my impressive speaker agent and friend Santiago Zapata of Hi-Cue Speakers Bureau.

Lunch with his lovely family made the ride worth the effort. (In Bogota’ they tell you, “Juan will be your driver. His car is a blue Ford Escort and the license plate is XYZ123. Don’t get into any other car.) It’s not the safest place for a Gringo to be wandering around. But I enjoyed my stay. More calls to Little Rock and dinner alone in the hotel.

On Tuesday, after my morning workout, I got a good massage and dressed for my presentation. Since I was the afternoon speaker I got to sit in on the morning programs and had a chance to meet many audience members as well as my interpreters and my client’s staff. The seminar went great, the people were lovely and at 6:30pm I was headed to the airport for an all-night flight to Chile.

Arrival at 4:45am made the Customs line fairly short but then I had to do it twice because they sent me back up the hallway to another line in order to pay a $131 entry tax first. Sigh. The driver was less than prompt and at exactly the moment I had decided to just take a taxi, he showed up sweaty and panting. His English was minimal but we got to the car only to have him circle the parking lot twice seeking an exit. At the exit he was informed that he had to return to the terminal first to pay his parking fee, then he could exit. We did that and then all the way to the hotel he drifted from lane to lane at fairly high speeds. Nothing I said made it through to him. Yikes! But we arrived without an accident and I happily checked into the very impressive Sheraton Santiago hotel.

By then it was about 7am so I unpacked and went to the fitness center for a workout. A great facility with a wonderful staff! Then a brief but delicious breakfast in the concierge lounge was enough complete me. I went to bed for a much needed nap. Upon awakening I confirmed my travel changes that would take me to Little Rock instead of back to California, cancelled some arrangements back home and printed out my boarding pass for the next day’s flight. Had a delightful dinner with one of my fellow speakers on the agenda and retired early.

Sleeping a bit later on Thursday gave me a fresh start on the day and my ride was prompt at 10 to get me to the meeting venue across town. I met the staff, coordinated with the sound crew and translaters, and then practiced a tune or two on the guitar they had loaned me. The client agreed that I could play and sing a bit of Rock n Roll during the break in my seminar. Though a bit skeptical about how it would fit into the business event, they went along.

There were big signs in the hallway with the photos of the speakers. I posed for a photo with my photo.

Then I entered the room with the 300 attendees, delivered my first 90 minutes of seminar and suggested to the audience that, during the break, they might want to keep an ear tuned to the seminar room. Five minutes into the break I mounted the stage and started playing and singing. They all came back into the room and by the third song all of them were singing along with me…in English! The sound crew got into the act and starting flashing the lights in time with the music and adding reverb to my voice. On song #4 the entire room was on their feet and dancing in the aisles to “Sweet Caroline” by Neil Diamond (as performed by me). What a thrill.

I completed my seminar, after about 8 songs in the break, and at the end of the event the client host hugged me! I thanked the audience, my translators, the staff and got a second big ovation. Then it was immediately into the car for the airport! An 8pm flight required quick Customs processing and I flew all night to Little Rock via Atlanta. Arriving at 9am allowed me to get to Mom just in time to help transfer her from the hospital to the Rehab facility and Nursing Home. Much face time interspersed with paperwork to admit her and handle the finances made for a very productive day. I got a cheap local hotel room and had dinner alone. Crashed into bed to gather strength for the next day.

Saturday was a day of oppressive heat in Little Rock, the car readout showed 106 degrees at 3pm. I spent the day cleaning Mom’s apartment, visiting her in the Nursing Home and making arrangements with the nurses and aides. Printed out my boarding pass, left the nursing home at 9:20pm, had a late dinner at the bar next door to my motel. In bed by 11pm.

Visited Mom early Sunday then went to the airport to fly home. Got home late afternoon and spent the evening catching up on everything with Paula. The next day was a day of follow through on business, Mom and personal items in prep for Wednesday’s departure to the Speakers Roundtable meeting in Vancouver, BC, Canada. My son & his family (wife Sonya and two gorgeous (really) grandkids) spent the night with us.

Paula and I got a ride to the airport early Wednesday and arrived in Vancouver at 2pm. Unpacking and greeting all our colleagues lasted until the 5pm opening reception. The meeting went very well Thursday through Saturday despite my frequent abscences to call Mom. On Friday Mom was moved to a different hospital for evaluation.

On July 4th, Sunday we took a van to Whistler, Canada with 4 other couples. Sardines in a can with tons of luggage, but fun nonetheless. Had a thrilling but guilt-ridden time with our friends while daily checking in with Mom. She encouraged me not to come to Little Rock but that’s all I could think about. On Wednesday at the airport headed home I got an emergency call about Mom and I spoke with her. Home late that night and then a day of coordination and follow through so that I could go back to Little Rock on Friday. Lunch with a client was thrice interrupted by calls from nurses and doctors.

July 8, 2010 Today I got a call from “Transitions” at North Metro Medical Center in Jacksonvile, Ark. that Mom, Elizabeth Cathcart, needs to go into hospice care. She’s 90 years old with congestive heart failure, a urinary tract infection, dehydration, and an unwillingness to accept treatment. Her living will states firmly that she does not want her life prolonged artificially and I respect her wishes. She has felt that way for more than a decade. She has been in the hospital since late June and this is her third facility. She truly wants to just let go and pass on.

It breaks my heart to see her suffer and also to let her go but I know she means it. So I’ve accepted her choice. I’ll go to Little Rock tomorrow morning to be with her.

The next day, July 9, at 4am I was packing and dressing for the trip. A 5am ride to Burbank airport and 230pm arrival in Little Rock. Spent the afternoon with Mom and her care givers, then met my son at the airport at 9pm and had a late dinner together.

We spent Saturday morning with Mom in her hospital room. I sang and played guitar for her. Jimmy and I told her stories, held her and cried a lot. I even played and sang four songs for the other patients who were in the hallway just prior to lunch. Much appreciated due to the relief from their usual medical-only environment.

Later that day we went back to our hotel for a rest and a workout, then drove to Benton to visit Paula’s family. Her Mom, Elsie, at the nursing home and her Dad and Sisters for dinner.

Jimmy and I went back to the hotel and walked around Little Rock’s RiverMart before retiring for the night.

While searching for a good breakfast place I showed Jimmy the apartment building where my parents lived when I was born (now boarded up and vacant) and the house I grew up in on B Street. We also visited the Dugger’s old home on Westminster.

After breakfast Sunday we visited Mom again till Jimmy had to depart. He told her goodbye and she said, “I’ll see you soon. Either here or the Hereafter.” That took our breath away.

I dropped him at the airport and then returned to the hospital to meet with a nurse from the Hospice Center. A powerful emotional experience, facing the very real potential of losing a loved one and talking through the stages of death. Dinner alone at the hotel and later on I went to the gym to work off some of the day’s stresses.

I checked out of the hotel and moved to Mom’s apartment to begin the sorting and disposal of her 90 years of belongings. This took all day Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday & Friday. Elaine Richmond, a friend & helper of Mom’s assisted me. She hauled off many of the donations as did Rhonda St. John of Good Shepherd. We donated much of the furniture to Watershed, an assistance agency that sent a family to pick it up later in the week. Rolanda Bell also came and helped two days in a row.

Each day I also met with other relatives and close friends, visited Mom repeatedly, got her transferred back to the Nursing & Rehab Center, did an hour of email business over breakfast each day at a local restaurant with free WiFi. Arranged for shipping services, cancelled telephone accounts, and gave notice to vacate the apartment. By now it was obvious to the doctors and to me that Mom would not be returning to independent living.

On Tuesday I had to go into a local sound studio to record some voice-overs for special video presentations in preparation for the US National Special Olympics Opening Ceremonies in Lincoln, Nebraska. I was booked to be the featured speaker and did the sound tracks for the videos that featured four of the athletes. The recordings went perfectly and we had a teleconference with the event producers from the studio. I love the convenience of technology! Then back to Mom’s bedside to comb her hair, tell her stories and just sit silently to watch her breathe as she slept.

Late Tuesday I was informed that Paula’s Mom, Elsie Dugger, had passed away. Two parents on the edge of life and one had just passed over. I cancelled my California travel plans and Paula booked her flight to Little Rock. I visited with Paula’s Dad, Wesley and had dinner at his apartment that next night. Paula’s family all spent the day making travel plans for Little Rock. Also on Wednesday I coordinated two donation pick ups of furniture, appliances, clothing and boxes from Mom’s place. I sifted through the last box of papers and keepsakes at 11:45pm that night. During the day I took a break in the lobby of the apartment building and ended up playing guitar and singing R&R songs for 8 of Mom’s neighbors ranging in age from 80 to 95. They loved the music, and even danced to the extent that they could. It gave me and them much joy.

On Thursday I took boxes and bags to the Shredder company, completed the purge of the apartment, visited Mom (of course) and had dinner with the Duggers as the family began to arrive. During the afternoon I told the others that I needed an emotional break so I went to a movie alone and sat in the dark eating popcorn and not thinking! It helped a lot.

Paula arrived early Friday morning. We went to Conway to get her a loaner car. Then coordinated another donation of furniture, etc. and visited with Mom. That night we joined Paula’s family for dinner with the whole group and told stories about Elsie.

I was booked for the Special Olympics event in Nebraska on Sunday so Saturday was a travel day. First I had to go to the UPS Store to ship all of Mom’s keepers to my home in California. Then lunch with Mom followed by a flight to Omaha. The flight was cancelled and I was rerouted through Chicago, getting into Omaha after 10pm. It was 30 minutes to the hotel and after check in and unpacking, I discovered that the room next door had a loud party from 2am to 3am. Two calls to Security didn’t produce enough of a change. Not much sleep that night. Upon awaking the next morning I could hear the neighbor through the wall. He was purging all the alcohol and I could even hear him breathe between hurls. Ugghhh! I placed a note on the floor outside his room. It said simply, “Was it worth it?”

The rest of Sunday, July 19th was one of the best days of my professional career! Truly. I got an early ride to Lincoln, an hour away, in order to show up well in advance of my presentation. At the Nebraska University Sports Complex I was immersed among 3,800 special olympics athletes from all over the country plus celebrities, political leaders, singers, law enforcement officers from every state, military personnel, news commentators, VIPs, coaches and famous people from all walks of life. What energy!

I met Andy Roddick and his beautiful swimsuit model wife, Brooklyn, singers Sandi Patty, Michael Sarver (of American Idol) and the group Jars of Clay from Nashville. I also met Eunice Shriver’s grandson Tim Shriver, Nebraska Governor Heineman, and Olympic Gold Medalists, and stars of all types. I entered the stadium with the Arkansas Team of 175 athletes, a huge thrill! My parts in the program were three cameo appearances on the main stage to introduce the video segments I had recorded in Little Rock. I did this in front of the 13,000 excited fans and 3,800 athletes. It was a wonderful relief from my weeks of caregiving and sorting duties plus one of the great events of my life. What an inspiration these athletes are! See 32 photos of them on my Facebook page.

Back at my hotel late that night I had a solo dinner and got up at 3:45AM to ride to the airport at 4:30am for my flight to Little Rock. The driver was late and whenever spoken to he would let up on the gas and slow down markedly. Needless to say it was a silent trip. Got there on time for my 6am departure and made the connections back to LR by 10:35am. Grabbed my rental car and went directly to the church for the lunch, funeral and graveside service where I was one of the pallbearers. A moving and important experience with the whole family and my son had flown back again from California in order to participate. Visited Mom again and found her in a continued state of decline. Hated to leave but she was asleep most of the time and unresponsive. Jimmy & I told her goodbye once again.

I told Mom that we had renamed these figurines from her apartment. They are now “Jason & Amber”. The coin is a guardian angel coin. These are now by her bedside.

Dinner that night at the Duggers’ was very much needed emotionally and interpersonally. I love my wife’s family as I do my own.

6am departure for the airport to fly home with Jimmy while Paula stayed on for a week with her family and checking in on my Mom. Back home I had much mail and follow through to work on and spent the next three days handling duties, unfolding emotionally from the experiences of the previous weeks and calling LR repeatedly for details and duties.

The saga continues and Mom will be moving to extended care and possibly Hospice in the next few days. Her apartment is vacated and Paula stayed with her Dad till today, Saturday the 24th. Tonight she’ll be home so we can jointly celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary tomorrow. Our life has been blessed. Thank you God.

UPDATE:

On Sunday, July 25th, our 40th anniversary, I received a call at 5:30am Pacific time from Good Shepherd saying that Mom was being sent to Ark. Heart Hospital at the request of Dr. Abdelal. Once she was admitted I spoke with Dr. DiPaulo in ER who updated me. I reasserted the importance of Mom’s living will and do not resuscitate order. She was very understanding.

Later that day after brunch with Jimmy’s family at the Four Seasons, we were touring the Reagan Library when I got a call from Dr. Huber, Mom’s new doctor at the Heart Hospital. He and I discussed her needs and wishes at length and decided that she should be AND “Allow Natural Death”. This was at 2:30pm Pacific time. That night Paula and I had dinner at a local steak house for our anniversary and toasted Mom and Elsie.

On Monday Dr. Huber called at 7:45am pacific, to tell me that Mom was being discharged back to Good Shepherd. Her condition hadn’t improved and there was no treatment they could offer. He and his entire team were very compassionate and helpful, more than any other group so far. Dave, her nurse, called me at 11:30am pacific to tell me how she was.

At 1:30pm Ashley from Good Shepherd called and we agreed that they’d take care of Mom’s comfort, give her no meds, and have Dr. A sign a “Do Not Send Out” order. I asked about Hospice and Ashley said they’d evaluate her but that GS could keep her comfortable. They did so and I spoke with Beth, Mom’s nurse on Tuesday the 27th at 7:45am pacific. She assured me that Mom was being peaceful and not likely to live for long. I called Elaine who had been to see Mom three times in recent days, thanked her for all her help, and then made the same call to Rolanda. I thought about Mom all day and most of the night. I spoke to her aloud as in prayer and told her that she was free, she is loved and I am grateful that she is my Mom. I thanked her for all she had done and endured in order to help me and others.

Wednesday, Beth at Good Shepherd called me at 7:25am pacific time on July 28, 2010 and told me that Mom had expired. When we hung up I exclaimed, “God Bless You” (Mom) about five times in rapid succession. I was in my car on Hwy 101 going to a workout. Instead I went to McDonalds, grabbed a breakfast and began calling others to notify them. I called Paula, then Jimmy, then Elaine, Carlton King, Tony Alessandra, Terry Paulson, and Don Hutson. Then went to the Four Seasons for a light workout. Came home and sorted papers, called and emailed people and notified Social Security and Bank of America that Mom had died.

I called Beth back at 12:10pm to review details. In the emotions of the first call I wasn’t fully aware of all that she said.

She said Mom hadn’t been responsive to sound or touch much at all since her return from Ark. Heart Hospital. They had given her some Tylenol in a suppository since she had a slight fever. Beth said Mom was showing no signs of pain or distress and seemed to be peaceful and resting comfortably. An aide called her to Mom’s room this morning and she found that she had passed peacefully without distress.

They removed her wedding ring and it along with the other belongings are being held for me by Marsha. I told Beth that I expect to be there next Monday or Tuesday. I asked her to thank the staff for taking care of Mom. So on Sunday I’ll return to Little Rock and will meet at graveside with the funeral director of Little Rock Funeral Home to have her ashes buried with Dad at the National Cemetary. I’ll return home from there.

I love my Mom and I’m trying to figure out how to think/feel/be without her being here among us.

Note: Mom was at Arkansas Heart Hospital for 9 nights, then another 2. At Good Shepherd Nursing & Rehabilitation Center for 7 nights, then 12 nights, then 2. And at Transitions Unit in North Metro Medical Center (Jacksonville) for 10 nights from 7-2 to 7-12. A total of 42 days of illness and decline. I really hate that she had to endure this process. I didn’t know what to do for her so I was guessing at the best decisions for her all along. At first she fought the caregiving from the providers and said she’d rather die than live with total care. She told one nurse/aide that if she had a gun she’d kill herself rather than require total care. That set off alarms for them and they designated her as “depressed and possibly suicidal”. Because of that she was sent to Transitions, what turned out to be a geriatric psychiatric ward. A very depressing experience for Mom.

When I arrived there the first time I went into the “Group” room where Mom sat in a recliner on rollers. She was surrounded by patients with every variation of mental illness. Some were slumped over in their chairs and “out of it” mentally. Some were delusional and chattering incessantly. Some drooled, some just looked depressed. Mom looked like all hope was gone. When she saw me enter the room the look of relief on her face was indescribable. It seemed to say, “My hero! You’ve come to save me.” I was so glad to be able to get her out of there. but it took days to get the doctors to approve her release. I had to counsel Mom to not express any desire to die, otherwise they’d never honor her wishes but instead would classify her as depressed and suicidal. She said, “I don’t WANT to die. I just don’t think there’s any hope left.”

Once back at Good Shepherd she was more docile and quiet. She had lost much strength and hadn’t eaten a meal, not even half a sandwich or a bowl of soup in three weeks. Occasionally she had eaten a sherbert cup or drank a few sips of Ensure. That’s all. And she didn’t allow feeding tubes. She was taking vitamins and an antibotic for her urinary tract infection (acquired when first at Ark Heart Hosp), they catheterized her to treat her congestive heart failure and fluid in her lungs, “up to her ears” per Dr. Kane, under control. But then she became dehydrated. So it was a house of cards. She was kept on oxygen for the full time in each location.

A few days before she died she ate entire meals, twice I think. At the end at Heart Hosp Dr. Huber and Dave, her nurse, each told me that she was able to respond to their questions with head nods. She couldn’t swallow though nor speak.

The world has lost a gentle and loving soul. She was a caregiver throughout much of her life: Grandfather & Grandmother Cathcart, Aunt Lizzie, Aunt Lattye, and Kathy…for many years and right up to the end. It’s a shame she had such a long exit experience. I’d like to have seen her just quietly expire before all the drama, but it wasn’t meant to be. I am glad I got the time with her and was able to care for her a bit in these last weeks. I’m a better person because she lives in me. She’s intelligent, funny and loving. She makes others happy.

Final Update: On the day of Mom’s passing Paula and I had dinner with our good Christian friends Terry & Lorie Paulson at Rustico Restaurant and toasted our Moms. The next morning I worked out at the Country Club, had lunch with a client, dealt with admin details at the Bank, held a teleconference and had dinner with friends. The kids (Jim Jr., Sonya, Jason & Amber) came to spend the day with us and we had dinner with friends at a wine event in Sherwood. Did a TV interview on Saturday and on Sunday I flew back to Little Rock. Note the mixture of business duties, personal responsibilities and care giving activities throughout this ordeal. Normally that level of stressors would wipe a person out for quite a while. I’m very fortunate to have avoided that outcome.

I flew back to Arkansas alone arrived at 8:40pm and spent the night with Paula’s Dad, Wesley in Benton. The next day was filled with phone calls, a meeting at the Funeral Home, going to Good Shepherd Apartments to thank Elaine, Rhonda, Priscilla and all Mom’s friends, plus picking up Mom’s wedding ring and final belongings at the Nursing Home, and thanking the staff there.

At 11am I met Jim Bradburn, the funeral director at the National Cemetery and signed papers to confirm Mom’s dates, spelling, etc. for the headstone (the back of Dad’s headstone). I was inspired to add the statement “You Were There” to both sides of their headstone. They really were there for the rest of us when we needed them. Then at the gravesite, I asked to have the box of Mom’s ashes and I placed them on the headstone, photographed it, then knelt before it. Upon arising they placed her ashes in the grave next to Dad’s and refilled the grave. When they all left I squatted before the grave and, per Mom’s request 40+ years ago, I sang “Were You There When They Crucified My Lord?”  It was 102 degrees with very high humidity. My second verse was a spontaneous “You were there when I needed you so much.” Then I left for the airport to fly home.

Upon returning home I was inspired to write a song “You were there” to Mom.

You Were There – This link is to the song as I first recorded it.

Here are the lyrics:

The song, played in C (capo 3rd fret) to the tune of the gospel “Were You There”, goes like this:

YOU WERE THERE

by Jim Cathcart

C                                    C7                           F         C

As I kneel before this stone and I realize you’re gone

C                                             G

My gratitude’s as heavy as my grief

C                                    C7                                    F                  Fm

When I think of all you gave before we laid you in this grave

C                  G7                                    C

I recognize your life was rich…though brief

C                                                      F         C         F                   C

“Were you there when they crucified my Lord (Were you there)”

C                                                      G

That’s a tune that you told me you adored

C                           C7                           F         C

“Oh, Sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble

C                                                      G7                  C

Were you there when they crucified my Lord”

Even when I didn’t see you were watching over me

You’ve taken care of all of us you love

Though you’re now gone from our sight I can feel your

presence bright

Watching and still caring from above

When I was ill you were always there somehow

You were there with your hand upon my brow

You never asked for thanks, nor complained about the chore

You were there and I couldn’t ask for more

You were there when I needed you so much (You were there)

You were there with a reassuring touch

You gave of all you had now you’re living there with Dad

You were there when I reached out for your hand

You were there when I needed to be strong

My fears you didn’t tolerate for long

You gave me courage to keep on and the challenge to be strong

You were there watching me become a man

You were there when our nation needed you (You were there)

You were there with the strength to see us through

You volunteered and said, “We did what we had to do”

You were there when our nation needed you

I know that you are still a part of me

This acorn has, down deep within,…your tree

You’ll show in all I do as I strive to honor you

Yes I know that you are still a part of me

Both “Here and Hereafter” we’ll be strong

Someday soon I’ll rejoin you in a song

The circle won’t be broken and our worries won’t be spoken

You’re still there and I’m glad you’re safe at home

You are there.

Copyright 2010 Jim Cathcart, all rights reserved

At 5:30pm on August 9 we, the immediate family, all gathered by the waterfall at Sherwood CC for a memorial service. I had a photo of Mom enlarged and put it on a music stand. We brought 6 folding chairs and sat in a circle. I told Mom’s life story as best I could, and played her song on a small recorder. We each spoke of our memories of her and expressed our love and gratitude for her. I miss her and I’m glad she’s safe at home.

Jim