Family Rituals and Traditions

Jim Cathcart 00:05 Welcome to the Wisdom Parlor, a thoughtful discussion of important ideas among people who are committed to succeeding in life. This is a gathering of leaders from a variety of industries, and our role here is to help you reach the top 1% of your field of choice. Hi, I'm Jim Cathcart. So come with me and let's discover how much more successful you could be. Welcome to the Wisdom Parlor, a thoughtful discussion of important ideas among people who are committed to succeeding in life. This is a gathering of leaders from a variety of industries and our role here is to help you reach the top 1% of your field of choice. I'm Jim Cathcart. So come with me and let's discover how much more successful you could be. Speaker B 01:16 Welcome, everybody. You come strolling in today. Welcome to the Wisdom Council. We're gonna have a great show today, so get ready for great conversation. Be a part of the conversation, and welcome to the Wisdom Parlor. And today, by the way, we are going to talk about the family rituals and traditions that will be our main topic. We'll get into that in just a moment. As you're beaming on in and joining us live here, we want to remind you that the Wisdom Parlor is open for you to share your thoughts. Join the discussion. It's not a debate, however, it's a form for just good conversation. It's not a political or a religious issue place. It's a place where wisdom will emerge among people who are committed to making the world a better place. No reference to self promotion, no campaigning for a company or for an issue or a cause. It's really just a thoughtful discussion place. The show is sponsored by the Cathcart Institute Experts Academy, a 12 month mentorship that results in the people receiving the CPE, the Certified Professional Expert designation. And to book a call with Jim Cathcart, determine if this is a good fit for you or not, go to the link that we're going to put into the chat here today. So those of you streaming live, you can hit this right away, book your call and get involved with conversation with Jim. For those listening on the replay of this, check out the notes for getting that link. And as we go into this, let me introduce you to the man himself, Jim Cathcart. Jim is a host and has authored 25 books, delivered 3400 highly paid lectures all around the world. He reached the top 1% of the 1% of the world of professional speakers. Jim is a leader, influencer and mentor. Welcome once again, Jim Cathcart, our host. Great to see you, Jim. Jim Cathcart 03:08 Thank you. Trigger this is great. Rich Bond Traeger Trigger is our emcee for these and my. My co host. And so his expertise is podcasts. I mean, this guy is amazing. He's doing podcasts all over the world and for the National Speakers Association. He does a number of specialized podcasts. And what, Rock the Stage? Is that the how to rock the Speaker B 03:36 stage of the main show? We got a show tonight. We're talking about the power of YouTube tonight. The NSA is behind the stage with the NSA, of course, the Wisdom Parlor with Jim Cathcart. Several other projects are also going on. So, yeah, I hope people shine on camera and shine on stage. Jim Cathcart 03:52 There you go. I like that a lot. And his nickname, Trigger, comes from his last name, Bon. Trigger also relates directly to my childhood, doesn't it? Roy Rogers and Trigger, you were at this week. Speaker B 04:06 I posted on social media. Jim Cathcart 04:08 I saw a photograph you took a selfie of you and Roy Rogers and Dale Evans and Trigger the Wonder Horse. That's cool. That is very cool. Speaker B 04:19 I figured some people might get a kick out of that. So. Family traditions today, Jim. So for the next couple minutes, sit back, enjoy our preview of what we're gonna get into. Listen, take some notes if you want. We're gonna open it up to everybody in just a few moments. But, Jim, family traditions, rituals. My family was really rich with them. How about yours? Jim Cathcart 04:40 Oh, absolutely. But I didn't know it. See, it's. The emphasis today is not so much on family as it is on the traditions. Traditions, rituals, routines, standards, things that. That we do in our business, in our personal life, and in our family culture that have an implication that's worth knowing about and making sure it's intentional. For example, lots of families, when I was growing up, baby boomer, you know, the tradition was, you always have dinner with the family. All the other things you got going, that's fine. But you always have dinner together as a family. And in many of those families, most at the time, there was always a blessing. You know, someone would say a short prayer to bless the meal. And so that was a Just a regular routine. When I went to school, I and all my classmates, we would stand at our desk in the morning while they played the national anthem over the loudspeaker. And then we would put our hands over our hearts and we would say the Pledge of Allegiance. I pledge allegiance to the flag, the United States of America. And people say, well, yeah, that's nice. And that's. That's cool. And it's sentimental and all that, but it doesn't really have any meaning. It's superficial. Au contraire. When we do those things a few times, it's superficial. It's kind of like mowing your lawn once in a while. Not going to have much effect because the lawn is going to continue to grow. But if you regularly mow your lawn, you're going to have a nicely groomed lawn all the time. Well, those things, when we do them regularly, make an imprint, and they cause a new neural pathway to develop, and we get to where we expect. We. We feel almost an emotional need for whatever those things are. And that could be any number of different rituals. But the ritual itself has value. As a matter of fact, if you look at the. The source of most rituals is in religion. And I don't want to go that direction, but I want to use that to make my point. In a lot of religions, they have rituals that must be performed in a certain way. You get the materials, you set them up this way. You do this first, never that. This person does that part. This person does that part. I mean, it's all. It's in the book, and that's the way it goes. And it's not okay to skip a step or alternate the direction in which you do it. The ritual is the ritual. It's the ritual as if it came directly from God. And if you don't do it, you're going to be toast. Okay, rituals matter. Rituals like when the team gets together in a huddle just before you go out on the field for a game. Why is that important? Because it bonds you together. It reminds you your. You're part of something bigger than yourself. It reminds you, you know, you put all. Put your hands in there and you go, 1, 2, 3, team. You know, or whatever it is you do, that's all part of a ritual designed to access a part of you that wouldn't be accessed through some form of rational, logical thinking or discussion, right? You don't just say, okay, I'm gonna feel team spirit now. Go. No, if you're in Notre Dame and you're walking out onto the field, there's a little thing right up there. It says Notre Dame above that, that doorway, and you slap that on your way out to the field, right? If you're Jewish, you walk into a house and there's. There's that. That little symbol on the wall. You touch that, you know, before you enter or leave the house. If there are rituals that matter. Now, why am I bringing that up? We all know that. Well, here's why I'm bringing it up. Because today's culture says those things don't count. Today's culture say, says things like, oh, a statue to somebody 200 years ago is just a statue to whatever their weaknesses were, not what the statue was put up to commemorate, but the personal weaknesses the individual may have had. So you tear down the statue and life goes on. Didn't need that. Wrong. When we put up statues, it's because there was something we admired that we wanted to be constantly reminded of. And it's like on Soledad Mountain in San Diego, there's a huge cross that was erected just after World War II to commemorate the people who died in World War II. And you say, well, that's wrong because it's Christian. Well, the United States is mostly, and was then even more so, mostly Christian. That's why that symbol was chosen, because it was considered universally to represent thinking beyond ourselves, acknowledging that there's a creator, that there's much greater going on, and to feel reverence for the people that have given their lives. It was a memorial. And then there's been a constant movement of, among a handful of people to get that cross removed. Because they think, well, whatever they think, you know, so the point is, rituals matter. What else? Blessings at meals, pledge of allegiance, pre game huddle, Thanksgiving meal. Many families have a tradition like I have in my own family, where Thanksgiving, which is November of, you know, the last week of November in the United States, when we sit down for the Thanksgiving meal, even if we don't talk about the Pilgrims and talk about the Indians and making peace and, you know, the harvest and all that, we are there to practice gratitude. Gratitude is a spiritual magnet. Let me say that again. Gratitude is a spiritual magnet independent of any kind of religion. If you are expressing gratitude, you are drawing to more toward you, more of that same kind of energy. The people who are most grateful or the people who are coincidentally most appreciated by their co workers and, and their employers and the others that they know. What's the quickest way to endear somebody to you? Do something for them? What? No, that's backwards, Jim. It would be they do something for me and then I feel closer. No, no, psychologically it works in the reverse polarity. If I do something for you, I feel closer and more bonded with you. Wow. So Thanksgiving is the ritual equivalent of expressing gratitude. And what we do in my family, as I was building up to, is at the beginning of the Thanksgiving meal, we each talk about something we're grateful for and we do it in rounds, you know, so it starts with rich and it goes to Laban, and it goes to Lisa Marie, and it goes to Amy. It goes to Craig, goes to me. It goes, you know, and go around, round and around. After two or three rounds, you pretty much harvested the cream of the crop, and then you can go on and have your meal. But what we would do, you know, when the kids were little, that ritual would start with something simple, like, I'm thankful for my backpack because it's prettier than Janie's backpack that hangs next to it outside the classroom at school, you know, Or I'm thankful for my bicycle because it's faster than Joey's bicycle or, you know, things like that. And then you get to. I'm thankful for Laban because he called the other day when I was really feeling down, and he reminded me of something that I had done that I felt really good about, and it lifted my spirits, and I. I just. I'm thankful for people like him, you know? And then someone else says, well, I'm. I'm thankful that we live in a country where we can do this. And then you elaborate on that. So it just keeps expanding and contracting, like breathing. As you talk about what you're grateful for and what that does to you is the beauty of it all. It create. It cultivates that loving, grateful, humble sense in you and makes you more likely to be compassionate to other people. Rich, you look like you're about to say something. Speaker B 13:36 No, no, I. I actually. This is great that you're setting up all the different traditions and ideas and the way we traditionally do it. However, you made a statement that you flew through, and I'm gonna go back to it because I think it's really important. Jim Cathcart 13:49 Yeah. Speaker B 13:50 Today we are not honoring those traditions the way we used to. And I'm curious as we open up the discussion in a little bit. Stick around, everybody. But why are we not. Is it because we don't really want to honor, like you said, the statues, the history. I Live in Washington, D.C. there are some things that were once here that are no longer here. Jim Cathcart 14:08 Yeah. Speaker B 14:09 It's interesting. Are we wanting to play respect? Are we wanting to ignore it? Or are they just saying these are outdated things? We don't do that anymore. Jim Cathcart 14:17 Yeah. Speaker B 14:19 It's very interesting that we value tradition, but we don't value the fullness of the tradition. I think. Jim Cathcart 14:25 Well. And the younger generation rarely does. I think it was Reagan that said, if you don't continually teach each successive generation. Yeah. The values that make us who we are, then they will abandon those values and It'll no longer be there. So we're only like a generation and a half or two generations away from losing the soul of our culture in that sense. And I don't want to go that direction too far just yet. So let me. Let me add a couple of layers of paint, you know, a couple of extra coats here. Another thing is opening monologues. This is, it seems, you know, unimportant. But when you tune into the Tonight show, don't you expect an opening monologue? And especially back when it was Johnny Carson, wouldn't you have felt unfulfilled if John. If it goes da da da, da, da, da, da da da da, you know, which was written, by the way, by Paul Anka. And then Johnny comes out. If he didn't do his opening monologue, wouldn't you feel cheated? Yeah. You know, so there's certain things in TV shows, in all kinds of things that we do that we become accustomed to, but it's also there for a reason. It's there because you. It gives you a opportunity to set the tone for what's coming next and to reinforce the culture that you're in. Like, one of the. The biggest thrills for celebrities is to be featured on Saturday Night Live. Now, what's the biggest point in that? Featuring being able to be the one who says, live from New York, it's Saturday night. It's kind of like wrapping the gavel on the opening bell on Wall Street. It's a ritual honor, and it has meaning beyond its. Its simple performance. Another companies do this. You say, Ritz Carlton hotels, what makes you distinctive. And they all say, we are ladies and gentlemen, serving ladies and gentlemen. They've told you who their market is. They've told you what level they operate at. They've told you what standards they expect you to live up to. They told you how you probably ought to dress. They told you how you probably ought to speak. And they told you at the same time what is absolutely not appropriate here. Wow. All in one statement. What is Disneyland? No question. Top to bottom, side to side. Everyone at Disneyland would say, oh, this is the happiest place on earth. Which tells you what to do, what not to do, what's okay, who's okay, what's not okay. Right? Speaker B 17:15 Yeah. Well, you know, even you think about Disney. They have It's a Small World, right? Jim Cathcart 17:20 Yeah, they. Speaker B 17:21 They shut that down for a while. They said, that's outdated. It's done. The fans scream, you can't cancel. It's a small. It's family. I'M I'm bringing my granddaughter, I'm bringing my daughter because I loved it so much. I have to have my kid go on it. Jim Cathcart 17:36 And that's. Speaker B 17:36 There are high values. Jim Cathcart 17:39 Yeah, I want to go do the zip line in Costa Rica that Grandpa Jim did with Grandma Paula, you know, the same one. I don't want to go to a different whatever, but I mean, that's a simple, silly example of that. But there are rituals like that. Speaking of rituals, Michael D. Butler just joined us from his automobile and he was at NASDAQ the other day and delivered a presentation to nasdaq. Way to go, my friend. Good on you. Speaker C 18:10 Thanks, Jam. It's good to be here. I'm driving through Austin right now, so a wave actually is going to route me on the turnpike, what I call the Tesla turnpike. But yeah, I gave a talk, I gave a talk called I don't celebrate Birthdays and more to come on that. So we had several of our clients there speaking and it was an honor. That was last Monday. So thanks for, thanks for saying so. I don't always get to make it on these. I've been traveling a lot lately. Just got in from Vancouver, Canada, New York and Miami. So I always try to get on here when I can. So I'll be listening and it's good to see everybody. Hope you're well. Jim Cathcart 18:50 I appreciate that very much and congratulations. There's a dark side to this ritual thing too, these traditions. Hank Williams Jr. Is a country singer and songwriter and he did a song talking about his dad. Now his dad is arguably the most famous old time country singer in the world, certainly in America. Hank Williams, father of country music. Does anyone on this call know how old Hank Williams senior was when he passed away? 29. Does that drop your jaw? 29 years old and he is known as the father of country music as we know it. Good heavens. Well, Hank Williams Jr. By the way, Hank Williams senior burned the candle at both ends and then melted the part in the middle so it would burn up faster. He, he was an alcoholic. He had all kinds of problems and he died young as a result of his poor choices. So his son is born into a dysfunctional family, grows up with his dad's legacy, and at one point followed his dad's path and he wrote a song about it. And it's the song is, Hank, why, why do you drink? Why do you blow smoke? Why do you live out all those songs your daddy wrote? He said, why have you let yourself get in such a pitiful condition? He said, when I'M singing songs and partying all night long. It's just a family tradition. In other words, he's con. He's taking the other kind of, of tradition and following that. My son said to me, as if you've been through the acorns to oak trees video lessons, you know this. My son said to me when he was in college, he said, dad, your dad was a telephone repairman, your mom was a homemaker. Their parents, you know, were working people. And none of them put a particularly high value on getting an advanced education or becoming well known or that sort of thing. And they seemed content to live a relatively small life. You're a mutant. How come you changed everything? And I told him about my story and he said, dude, you broke the pattern. And that's the point. In my success, had I not broken the pattern, I would have had a nice life. But it, it wouldn't have been a substantial life. I wouldn't have been able to reach as many people as I've been able to reach this way. So yes, I broke the pattern. So I'm, I'm asking you to reflect as we talk about these things. What are your patterns? What are the patterns in family, in your own life, in your own background, in your own company rituals, traditions and such? You know, what kind of statements do you have up on the wall? Does it have a picture of a bunch of people rolling with laughter saying ha, you want it when. Which celebrates the wrong kind of attitude, or is it the customers fund my paycheck? Very different sentiment altogether. Right? One last layer on this and then I'll, I'll flip it over. At age 22, I joined the Pulaski Heights. That was my neighborhood in Little Rock. JC's Junior Chamber of Commerce at that time, the baby boom, which was the market for the JCS because you're supposed to join at age 18 and get out when you're 36. So it was designed for young adults to teach leadership skills and how to be involved in the community and advance in business. So I joined the JCS to learn those skills. And every JCS meeting out of 356,000 members and 280 chapters in only the state of Arkansas alone back in 72, every single meeting started with the JC's creed. We believe that faith in God gives meaning and purpose to human life. That the brotherhood of mankind transcends the sovereignty of nations. That economic justice can best be won by free men through free enterprise. That government should be of laws rather than of men. It was all male back Then that economic justice can best be won by three men through enterprise. But government should be of laws rather than of men. And that earth's great treasure lies in human personality and service to humanity is the best work of life. Every meeting we started that way, every meeting we stopped that way. It reinforced a solid set of values that went, that showed up in everything we did without us ever talking about it again. But never did a meeting occur that we didn't recite that Rotary's got its own, you know, you look at Optimist, Kiwanis, Rotary, all those other civic clubs, Speaker B 24:09 Boy Scouts have had their own forever, you know, and we memorize that we Jim Cathcart 24:15 said it in my country and obey the scout law. And I, you know, it's been, what, 60 some odd years since I was a Boy scout. It's been 40 years since I was a JC. No, 50, but we're not going to Speaker B 24:30 say that out loud again. Come on, we're just going to slide through that. Why don't we open it up? Let's start hearing from everybody else. Now that we've got them thinking, let's, let's get your thoughts on these traditions and these different things that you've got going on. Who wants to go first? You know, I remember one of our traditions just to kind of get it opened up. And it, it was a true tradition. We had a aunt that wasn't a biological aunt to the family, but Annie Grace was a vital part of our family community. Every Christmas she played Santa. When she passed, the very first year, everyone went around the room and realized there was no Annie Grace. And she would do a comedy routine. She would give the wrong gift to the wrong person. She would play it up. It was hysterical. And we asked, who wants to be Santa? And the tradition was so powerful, no one wanted to step in to fill her role. Jim Cathcart 25:20 Wow. Speaker B 25:21 What sort of traditions do you have that stick with you, that are embedded in you, that made an imprint in your life? I see people thinking, yeah, Lisa. Jump on in, everybody. The mic's open. Jim Cathcart 25:32 Yeah, hop in. Lisa Marie, what, what stands out for you? Speaker D 25:37 Well, the one thing that stood out to me when we started this conversation back before COVID when they allowed us to do tours at St. Jude, I would always start at the statue. It's a 10 foot tall marble statue that was given as a gift from Danny Thomas to the hospital in the completion of his dream of opening a hospital for children with catastrophic illnesses. And I always see, say, and somebody always misunderstands, but I always say he prayed to St. Jude, Saint of the hopeless causes. And people even say, those Catholics pray to statues? No, we don't pray to statues. We pray and ask them to intercede for us like we would a friend. Hey, would you pray for us? So that was the first thing that came to mind. The second thing that came to mind is being full blooded Lebanese. And my grandparents came from the old country. We have a lot of traditions deeply embedded in our heritage for almost every holiday and coming and going and prayers that we say when we're traveling or whatever it might be. So I personally am all about tradition and, you know, heritage. It's very big in my life and always will be. Jim Cathcart 27:04 Yeah. Speaker B 27:04 And that's perfect. Jim Cathcart 27:06 Deep place in all of us. Amy, you have your hand up. Yeah. When you first started the conversation, Jim, one thought came to mind is that traditions are passed from one generation to the next and reinforced from one generation to the next. And what I see in today's society is that my generation is not reinforcing the traditions that we learned as children and as teenagers and even as young adults. And that, to me is a little bit sad because we are seeing traditions die out. We're not seeing that. That reinforcement, we're not seeing that participation. And it's so important that family and friends reinforce those traditions. Exactly. And it's on each of us because all traditions started with one individual. Somebody decided, we're going to do this. And then they said, hey, we did that last year. That was cool. Let's do it now, you know, and it becomes a meaningful ritual over time. And now if it's only done as a ritual, like one time, I was at a funeral in a Catholic church. My own background's Methodist and I'm Baptist today, but. But I was in a Catholic church for a funeral and I was next to a nun and the nun was saying the rosary as if reading a government manual. Kind of like, okay, there's your damn rosary. What? You know, I mean, it was so insulting the way it was being done mechanically instead of meaningfully that I. I wanted to walk over and just say, shame on you. You know, get your heart in it or get your butt out of it. One or the other, man. I mean. Yeah. So I think it's on each of us to reinforce the traditions that matter, that have meaning, and not worry about the ones that are simply superficial or trivial. Laban, you had something a minute ago. You were about to speak up. Speaker E 29:24 Well, what's interesting is that I grew up. I spent my first 20 years in New Zealand, and we don't have the, the levels of traditions that the US Typically have. We never had to swear a pledge of allegiance or any of that stuff. So most of the traditions I picked up from family were horse racing, drinking, infidelity, all the good stuff. Jim Cathcart 29:55 Yeah. Speaker E 29:56 So I had to unlearn a lot of those. But I've come to realize and deeply appreciate the way that the American people certainly, you know, in former years had their traditions because I always looked upon it through American TV as I was. It always seemed a little bit crazy to me. I, I always wondered why people had guns because we didn't have guns in New Zealand. And now I get, I understand there was. It's deeply rooted in principles and from, from long before 1776, natural law and, you know, God's law and these kind of things. Things and the disciplines which I've now started to incorporate. And that the gratitude that you were talking about scientifically, you cannot have a negative thought while practicing gratitude. It just doesn't exist. And this is the significance of the journey that I've been on with my wife and implementing that gratitude. And you know, what Jim failed to mention was the context for the conversation. He spoke very generously at the mass at one of the masterminds that I run. And one of the ladies in attendance had no idea Jim was speaking. The last time she heard Jim speak was like 15 or 20 years ago. And what she was listening to one of his cassette tapes prevented her from taking her own life along with Og Mandino's work. Jim Cathcart 31:25 Wow. Speaker E 31:26 And she, she's a beautiful writer. She's a former award winning journalist whose life had taken a bit of a turn. And she wrote the most beautiful letter that I just needed to forward to Jim. And, and what was amazing was that Jim's response was, I'm going to go back and reread that book that I wrote to reassess the value because I'd forgotten. And I think that was just one of the great moments, wasn't it Jim? I don't know. It was just my. Jim Cathcart 31:54 Thank you, my friend. I appreciate your mentioning that. Yeah, that was powerful. Very powerful. When my son was little, he came to me, he'd bring his friends because I like telling stories, as you can tell. And so when I was sitting around the living room and he was a tiny little guy, he would be playing with his friend in his room. He'd say, come on, Dad's in the living room. Let's go. Okay. And he and his friend would stand in front of me and say, he, dad, Be funny, son. I'm not in the mood to be funny. Right. Come on, dad, be funny. Come on, do it. Do you know? And he just keep going. And then finally I'd act silly and he and his friend would get some giggles and go on their way. So that was a little thing that he really enjoyed doing. And the way I taught Jim Jr. Life Skills is I took things that I was learning that were valuable to me and translated them into a simpler form for him. And so I. I had a thing that I did called the. The JC Chairman's Planning Guide for planning a project. Determine the need, set priorities, establish goals, you know, with the background leading to this data, all the way through budgeting and scheduling and measuring outcomes. And so I simplified that into what I called the seven step planning process for Jimmy. And when he was this tall, you know, like, I don't know, seven, eight, nine years old, I taught it to him like a poem. I said, jimmy, what's the seven step planning process? And I had it taped on the inside of his closet door at eye level for him so that he could see it every day. And it was written very simply, and it was very succinct, and. And I would have him recite it on demand. And it was kind of like, what's the Paul Revere's ride? Listen, my children, and you shall hear of the midnight ride of Paul Revere. You know, that kind of a thing. It's. It's. So, Jimmy, what's seven step planning process? And he kind of stands straight. Determine the need, set priorities. Which I had to explain to him what a priority was. Choose goals. Da da da da da da da. Well, he did that for a couple of years, and we never applied it to anything. And then one day he told me he wanted to score a goal in soccer. And I showed him how to use that to get himself in a better position to score a goal in soccer. And sure enough, he did. And then we used it to plan a trip to San Antonio to see the Alamo. And we, you know, did all that with him, doing the planning and majors, posing the questions. But that little ritual with us became a meaningful skill set for him and applied in a much broader context in life. Speaker B 34:40 So, Jim, you've got me thinking. My wife and I had a very simple 3P rule for our twin daughters and actually for our oldest daughter. But it really worked with the twins when it was a three P's. Play with it. Pick it up, put it away. Very simple. Jim Cathcart 34:56 I like that. Speaker B 34:56 And the thing is that at the time when they're kids, of course, they argue, they fuss, they don't, you know, but they eventually do it. When friends come over, all of a sudden we would hear the kids talking with their friends when it's time to clean up. Well, we got the 3Ps and they were teaching it to our friends, their kids. While my kids didn't like it, but they were teaching it to their friends. But they didn't want to pick up their own toys. Now my daughters are all married, have their own kids. Guess what they have taught their own kids. Jim Cathcart 35:26 Love it. It's amazing what gets embedded one more time. Speaker B 35:31 Play with it, pick it up, put it away. Jim Cathcart 35:34 Beautiful. Speaker B 35:35 And it was so simple. But now when they're adults and they realize we have kids ourselves, that little tradition can work for me as my mommy, you know, me now being a mommy and daddy. It's amazing how traditions may not seem important at the time, but bring the clock forward in time. And also that tradition, that value, becomes very important to everybody. Jim Cathcart 35:57 Yeah. Speaker B 35:57 And I think that's where the magic is, that sometimes we forget about why it was first put in place, the value of it, and we turn away from it. And then sometime later in life, we come back and go, you know, that Jim Cathcart 36:09 thing we used to do? Speaker B 36:11 Can we do it again? Be that really did help. And I think that's the real magic. Jim Cathcart 36:14 When Jim Jr. Was little, one of the things that Paula and I did every night at dinner is we had a. An old book that we'd gotten from relatives called Hurlbuts H u r L B u T apostrophe s Stories of the Bible. And it was Bible stories, you know, like the Wise Men and all that. They were all written for kids. And so we kept that in the kitchen near the table where we ate. And when we would have our family dinners, one of us, either me or Paula, would read one of those stories because they were all very short at the beginning of the meal. And then when Jimmy got older, we would have him read it. You know, at first we'd kind of help him through it, and then he got to where he could read it fluently. But he learned not only the lessons that came from the stories of the Bible, which are life lessons and universal truths, not just religious things, but also storytelling and articulation and reading, you know, for public, that sort of thing, and sharing and rotating. You know, sometimes we'd read the start, he'd read the next, she'd read the next, and so forth until we finish the story. You could do that With a chicken soup book. All the chicken Soup books are written 111, 101 stories from people in a particular area of specialty. So that would be cool, but those kind of things matter. Great. Speaker B 37:43 I was gonna get you in here. You haven't shared a thought. Yeah. What's, what's going through your head as we're discussing all this, you know, traditions. Speaker C 37:51 When I was younger, traditions didn't mean as much. I still thought that we should do them, but it was more of mechanics. And now as a 48 year old, two kids in high school, I want the traditions to have a heart transformation meeting. Right. So when my wife and I got married, we got, we had kids, we wanted them to go to a school that gave the core values of what our culture is losing. And so they do stand up and pledge allegiance to the flag. They do stand up and pledge allegiance to the Christian flag. And we do eat together the overwhelming, vast majority of the days of the week. And because those are being lost, and there's data now that shows that when you lose the soul of the family, you lose the soul of your culture. If you lose the soul of your culture, you lose the soul of your neighborhood. If you lose the soul of your neighborhood, you lose the soul of your city and so on. And the reason we have people that have so much depression and so much mental anguish and so much. What I would consider piss poor judgment is because the foundation is cracked. Jim Cathcart 39:26 Yeah. Speaker C 39:27 And so we chose, we had to live in a trailer. We chose to send our kids to the school we needed them to go to for the foundation so that it's not an inch deep and a mile wide, but it's a mile deep and an inch wide. Jim Cathcart 39:43 Yeah. Speaker C 39:44 And so that's my two cents. And if it offends somebody, I'm not sorry. Jim Cathcart 39:50 Well, if anyone's offended by someone else's beliefs, I, I'd say, how shallow of you to be offended because someone else's beliefs do not affect you. Their behaviors do, but their beliefs don't. And if, you know, if someone having a strong belief in a particular world view offends you, sucks to be you. Because the problem is not them, the problem is you. Now if they're belief leads to a set of behaviors that are harming you, harming your culture, harming your city, harming whatever, threatening your, your welfare, that's different. But that's not about beliefs, that's about how those beliefs are practiced. So in our country, one of the beautiful things about America is you have the freedom to believe anything you want to, or at least you have until recently. And that you can believe anything you. You can't behave any way you want to, but you can believe anything you want to. Behavior is the thing that mattered. And when. When people came to work for Cathcart Institute, when I was based in La Jolla, had a larger staff, I spent a lot of time. When I say a lot with such emphasis, I mean, to the point of them going, oh, gosh, really, do we need to go over this again? Yes. Until I was absolutely certain they got it, what we stood for, what we were about, why it mattered to our customers, why it should matter to us, and how everything fit together. Until I was sure they got it, I couldn't loosen my grip and let them make their own decisions. So it's kind of like when Jimmy was tiny. If he wanted to go across the street, then I would pick him up, watch traffic, and run across the street, keeping him safe. And then I'd set him down. As he got older and he could walk, I would grab his hand with a death grip and he would walk across the street beside me. But there was no way he was getting free from me because I was going to keep him safe. Right. Why is that? Didn't you trust him? No. Did I love him? Absolutely. Did I trust him to be a good soul? Speaker D 42:06 Sure. Jim Cathcart 42:07 Did I trust him to. To program my computer? Did I trust him to cross the street safely? Nope. Sure didn't. So as he got older, I'd say, okay, stay close to me, but I wouldn't hold on. Stay close. Okay. And look both ways. All right. Okay, you're good to go. And we get across the street. And then as he got older, I'd say, have a nice day. And I didn't have to look same thing at the office. Speaker B 42:35 So I'm kind of interested in everyone here. If we're a slice of Americana, very small slice, but we all believe that traditions and rituals are important. Why do we not see this being lived out? Jim, what's, what's happening? Everything here has been very positive, valuable, life changing. All the things we talked about at the beginning. Why do we not see this being played out, do you think? Because I think Craig's right. The neighborhood, the home, the. The city, the state, it. It goes out and it's. Why do we not see this? Jim Cathcart 43:10 Well, there are external and internal factors. The internal factor, this came from the popularization of the human potential movement where Dr. Spock and his book on raising children, you know, was an enablers book. It was a Book about making the kids feel okay and don't intervene and don't spank them and you know, all that kind of thing. Don't correct your kids behaviors except through gentle nudging. And of course, that produced a bunch of kids without discipline. Those that, that followed him, I mean, he's not responsible for the culture, but his book became a bestseller and that became imbued into the culture. And then it was adopted legally and, and then put into the school systems as well. And so everything was weakened substantially by the implementation of a let's not make anybody uncomfortable culture. What is woke about? Woke is about nobody feeling uncomfortable unless you're conservative in your thinking. And then it's totally okay because you're the devil. Right? Speaker B 44:18 So look at Laban. Look, did you just see Laban? He just came full powerful. Jim Cathcart 44:24 We're going to count both of your votes, Laban. You get to vote twice. Well, the other thing that happened, Rich in, in response to that, how did this occur? Is some technological advances changed too. First, going back to the legal changes, they changed the laws around welfare to make it more financially attractive for a woman to have a child out of wedlock than to stay in a marriage and make it work. And so more children were born out of wedlock to the point that it was almost rare to have a child born in wedlock in the lower economic socioeconomic strata of our society. And then the other thing is, with the advent of television, our world changed profoundly. Notice this. In the 1940s and 50s, before television was widely spread, every house, almost every house had a front porch. Why did they have a front porch? Because people gathered on the front porch. You had front porch swings. People would sit on their front porch and the neighbors walking by or riding by on a horse or a horseless carriage, you know, with, with open top, the early cars, when the neighbors were going by, they would call out to each other and a lot of times they'd stop and talk. And the community bonded and so everybody knew everybody else. When I was growing up in Little Rock, Arkansas, small suburban neighborhood, central suburban, not way out in the suburbs, but suburban neighborhood. I knew every family on the block, even the ones we didn't like. I knew them all and they knew me. So if they saw me running up and down the street and I started doing something I shouldn't be doing. Little Jimmy Cathcart, I see what you're doing. I know your mama. You better get home and stop doing that. I'm sorry. You know. And I'd run home also when I Needed to raise some extra money for a bicycle or something I wanted. I'd go up and down the street with a push lawnmower and say, hey, Ms. Bontrager, could I mow your lawn today? Would you pay me a quarter or 50 cents if I did that? You know? And so it. Life worked. Now introduce television. Where are people hanging out where the television is? Is it on the front porch? No. So obviously everybody stayed in their house. Now move. Fast forward one generation. What changed? Home design changed. They no longer built front porches. What? Why won't you build? Because nobody goes out there anymore. Oh, and the living room started shrinking. Shrinking. By the way, this office was originally designed to be a living room, but it's my office in the front of the house. What's the main room? The family room, or you might call it the TV room, with the big screen and the huge couch and the recliners and all that sort of thing. So the world started reconfiguring itself around the tool that we were using to amuse, entertain, and inform ourselves. The television and society changed. Now then, tell me the names of 10 neighbors within a block of where you live. Speaker B 48:03 Actually do it. The house to the right, the house the left, and the two houses across the street just. Jim Cathcart 48:08 Just do four. Speaker B 48:09 And most people cannot even do that anymore. Jim. Jim Cathcart 48:12 I can name that one, that one, that one, and that one, and two or others that are in my line of sight right now. I don't know the people. And we're in a cul de sac, for God's sake. I mean, that would even increase the likelihood. No, because people spend their time indoors, and it's. It's a way different culture now. That's why you and I need to determine what are the values we care about. What is the culture in our family that we want to preserve? What are the rituals that we once followed that might be worth re embracing? What are the. The sayings, The. The wise sayings that need to be passed down again and again and maybe even enshrined in a little. What do they call it? Needlepoint put on the wall, you know, like grandma's house used to be. Right. I mean, I love this statement that I used it in a Facebook post today, and the statement is simply this. Never ask anybody if they're from Texas, because if they are, they'll tell you. And if they're not, why embarrass them? That's a quote from Zig Ziglar. I love that. You could use that with any state. But, you know, it Especially applies to the outspoken Texas culture and mentality. And if you want to see the expression of culture in a linear display, go to my Facebook post today. It says, am I a Texan yet? Let's examine the evidence. And I just do a litany of all the things that I've done and experienced since I've been in Texas three years now, and I've had Texas friends. One was a cattle rancher sent me a note this morning. He said, jim, you don't need to worry about it. You've long since made it. You're a Texan and you're welcome on the ranch again anytime. There you go. Speaker B 50:17 So, Jim, Jim, we're going to transition to everyone. What's your takeaways, what's your thoughts? But you want to recognize. Amy, thanks again for dropping the chat. I know you're off camera with us, but tv, movies and smartphones have eroded traditions in some sense. And again, that's that isolation. That's we're all pulling away. We're all, we're walking across the street, but cars are driving with their face in our phone. That's all isolated. We are in the real world right now. It's absolutely incredible. Jim Cathcart 50:46 So, Amy, thank you for podcast right now. Speaker B 50:49 Yes. So what, what's maybe one takeaway that you have here today from the conversation? What's maybe that one thought that's stuck in your head right now that you've talked about family and tradition? Laban, what's grabbing you today? Speaker E 51:02 You know what, Rich? I reckon the most obvious thing for me is the significance of doing what I did with my former addictions and now leading by example. And I was able to break the intergenerational curses that existed in my family for. For generations. And we need to start leading by example. And people that can see that we are successful in health, wealth and relationships will start to question and say, well, what are they doing? And then you can introduce them through, through that leading by example. Because trying to tell anyone what to do is bunk. Right? But I've had the most success from leading from the front. So that's what I'm going to do more of. Speaker B 51:52 Wonderful. Liz Marie, what about you? Speaker D 51:54 Well, for me, the one thing that stands out for me is, and we really hadn't talked about it, but I think it definitely should be part of the conversation is legacy. The traditions, the heritage. I never gave a whole lot of thought to legacy till I became Ziglar certified and stepped back and thought, wow, what a legacy Ziglar has left. And then right here I'm involved with Danny Thomas's legacy just to this much degree, but still it ripples through all eternity. And I think that that's pretty awesome to have your legacy ripple through all eternity. Speaker B 52:36 Wonderful. Speaker D 52:36 I'm sorry, I must have interrupted somebody because I heard somebody. Jim Cathcart 52:39 I wanted to reinforce what. What Laban was saying. There's a poem called A man can't read his tombstone when he's dead, that when with pleasure you are viewing any work that one is doing and you like him or you love him, tell him now, don't withhold your approbation till the parson makes orations and he lies with snowy lilies on his brow. Because no matter how you shout it, he won't know a thing about it. He won't know of any teardrops you have shed. If you think that praises do him, now's the time to show it to him. Because a man can't read his tombstone when he's dead. I like the intergenerational curses. That's beautiful. Speaker B 53:18 So Amy's got something from the chat and then, Craig, I'm going to come to you. But Amy, thanks again. It Sundays, but the six people on the Zoom can help preserve and reinforce our traditions right now with those friends and family around us. Jim Cathcart 53:30 Yeah, we can. Speaker B 53:31 Well said. Craig, what about you? What's. What's your takeaways? Speaker C 53:35 Intentionality. Right. So over the last four years, I have done a 180 on intentionality. Right. And whether it's inviting people I don't know over to my home for a meal, whether it's intentionally reaching out to somebody, asking them, what can I pray for you about today? And doing it right there. Don't wait, don't do it in private, do it right there. And so that's building a consistency because people don't do what they're told. People do what's modeled, and I can just always be better model. And so for me, it's intentionality. Jim Cathcart 54:13 So. Speaker C 54:14 And. And I intentionally owe Jim a phone call. Jim Cathcart 54:16 So there you go. Speaker B 54:18 Jim, how about you? After moderating this and getting it all kicked off, what's. So what's your takeaway? After you came in thinking one way, did you think differently? Now? Jim Cathcart 54:26 It just reinforces for me the importance of these things we're talking about. I've got a little tag right here that came on some clothing I got in the mail the other day. It's from a clothier in London called Cathcart Heritage, and their website is Cathcart London.com and they make traditional you know, old English traditional clothing, the kind that modern day people would wear, not the kind with the white wigs and stuff, but they make a beautiful line of clothing. And I ran across George Cathcart recently, who is of Cathcart, London. And it just reminded me the family I'm part of goes all the way back to the 1400s, I think was the year 1450 when Cathcart Castle was built in Glasgow, Scotland. And the motto of Cathcart is I hope to speed. Which would translate today into I expect. Hope is in a positive sense, there's hope, not hope like, oh, I hope, I hope, I hope I expect to speed. Well, back in 1400s, there was no such thing as thinking of speed like we think of it with cars. It was speed met prosper. So the modern translation of that is I expect to succeed. I expect to prosper. And what a beautiful legacy that is. And I've tried to keep that alive and to use my little logo of the acorn, the person emerging from the acorn, which is the Cathcart Institute logo, to reinforce ritually, something that I want others to keep going long after I'm gone. Here's the ritual, and it takes less than one minute. An acorn has three parts. A stem, a cap and a seed. The stem represents the legacy of all the acorns and oaks that came before you. The cap holds on to the seed till it's ready to grow on its own, so that your parents, your mentors, your heroes, your role models, your coaches and your guides. And the seed contains the potential that still lives within you and the potential that will go through stems into all the future acorns and oaks in your line. You matter and you're carrying, carrying a legacy, a responsibility and an opportunity. So nurture your nature and be the best you can be. Speaker B 57:07 That's Jim Cathcart. Perfect way to wrap this up today and bring the acorn in and illustrate it absolutely perfectly. And by the way, that's good. That's gonna be the best sound by the have people tune in and listen to the entire show as well. So thank you for the good sound bite, Jim. Well, thanks, everybody, for joining us here today for another edition of the Wisdom Parlor with Jim Cathcart. And it's sponsored by the Cathcart Institute Experts Academy 12 month mentorship that results in people getting the CPE, the Certified Professional Expert designation. And to book a call with Jim Cathcart to determine if you are a fit for that again. Also in the Zoom Live, grab that link. Book that call go to his website, learn more about that as well. Or or if you want a free copy of the book what to do when you are when you are the speaker, go the free.carcart.com and get a hold of that free book. You'll get more wisdom nuggets just like we got right here today. Join us again next month. We'll be back again live Wednesday, October 4th with the Wisdom part of the door or reopen once again as we discuss and explore another topic. The great wisdom insights from award winning world class speaker, bestselling author and mentor Jim Cathcart. Thanks for joining us today. We'll see you next month. Jim Cathcart 58:17 Thank you Trigger. Thanks everyone. Great to see you. Thank you for joining us today in the Wisdom Parlor, a thoughtful discussion of important ideas among people who are committed to succeeding in life. If you are committed to making more success happen in your own life, go right now to my website, free.cathcart.com and download my free ebook and then watch the video. If you decide that you'd like my assistance in helping grow your success, then come with me and let's discover how much more successful you can be. Thank you for joining us today in the Wisdom Parlor, a thoughtful discussion of important ideas among people who are committed to succeeding in life. If you are committed to making more success happen in your own life, go right now to my website free.carcart.com and download my free ebook and then watch the video. If you decide that you'd like my assistance in helping grow your success, then come with me and let's discover how much more successful you can be.