Embracing Change and Overcoming Resistance

Jim Cathcart 00:05 Welcome to the Wisdom Parlor. A thoughtful discussion of important ideas among people who are committed to succeeding in life. This is a gathering of leaders from a variety of industries and our role here is to help you reach the top 1% of your field of choice. I'm Jim Cathcart. So come with me and let's discover how much more successful you could be. Welcome everyone. Please welcome the show host, Rick Bontrager. The famous, well known, not the one from Roy Rogers, Trigger. Speaker B 00:48 Thank you, Jim. And again, welcome everybody to the Wisdom Parlor. It's Wednesday and it's great to have you all back here for the Wisdom Parlor Live virtual event and the Wisdom Parlor podcast. Today we will be discussing can people really change? So start noodling on, start thinking about that as you enter into the conversation. And today Jim Cathcart is coming to us live from the Dean's office. And he's not in trouble. The School of Management of California Lutheran University in Thousand Oaks, California. And I'm sure Jim will share while he's there. And what's going on? Just reminders we do get started. The parlor is open up today. The forum is for us to discuss important topic ideas like we'll have today. This is not a debate. It's not a forum for political or religious issues. It's a place where the wisdom will emerge among people who are committed to making the world a better place. Please, no self promotion, no campaign for a company or a special issue. Just a real thoughtful discussion. By the way, the sponsor of the show is the Cathcart Institute Experts Academy. At the 12 month membership that results in people receiving the CPE Certified Professional Expert designation. Book a call with Jim Cathcart yourself and determine if this is a good fit for you to be a part of this exclusive program. We're going to drop the link in the chat and you can click on that and join that. By the way, get a free copy of Jim's next book coming out, what to do when you are a speaker. And we'll have that link in the chat as well. Now. Jim Cathcart 02:23 Yes, hang on, wait. Speaker B 02:26 Jim Cathcart is our host and he's the author of 25 books levered 3400 highly paid lectures all around the world. He has reached the top 1% of the top 1% in the world of professional speaking. And now without any other ado, here is Jim Cathcart. Jim Cathcart 02:42 No, you go ahead. Welcome everyone. As Trigger told you, I'm in the Dean's office. Dean Gerhard Apfolthaler of the School of Management of California Lutheran. And I'm executive MBA adjunct professor here. And it's good to see all your smiling faces. Hey, Michael and Devin. And gosh, let's see. Let me look around. There's Julie and Fred, and Pamela's otter AI is dropping in on us. So we've got quite a lineup of folks. Also, I'm recording this, of course, and that'll be available, and it's on all the various platforms. Here's what makes Wisdom Parlor. Wisdom Parlor. Instead of just another podcast I hosted for about five years, four or five years, a parlor discussion at Sherwood Country Club, many of you are already aware of this, and I did about 39 of those. And the parlor discussion was intentionally not a lecture series and not an interview series. Now, typical podcast, you tune in and you expect to see some featured guest and he or she's going to be interviewed. Well, what I want to do is something quite different. I want to recapture a lost art in our society, and I don't mean personally recapture it. I mean, I want us, as a force in this society to recapture the lost art of parlor discussions. You know, they used to build houses with front porches specifically, so that people could sit on the front porch and engage their neighbors as they walk by. So the law started parlor discussion. Well, what is parlor discussion? Parlor discussion is not a debate. No? Well, why not? Because it's not about winning. It's about hospitality. It's about enjoying each other's company. It's about intellectual stimulation. It's about showing an example that the kids who are sitting there being quiet will learn from so that they can learn how to be adults and have reasonable disagreements without becoming disagreeable and adversarial in it. Terry Paulson. Dr. Terry Paulson, former president of the National Speakers Association, a clinical psychologist before he became a speaker and author, and a close, dear friend of mine. He lives in Agoura Hills, California. I was with him yesterday in Santa Barbara. And Terry has written a book that was originally called the Dinner, and the subtitle was how to have the political conversations your parents told you never to have. It's a story about two couples that meet in a restaurant. And one couple is conservative and the other one's liberal. And they represent the far left and the far right and the near left and the near right. So you've got the four perspectives, two of which are not too far apart, and two of which are quite far apart from the others. And so they go through a discussion. In his book, Dr. Terry Paulson, they go through a discussion of all the issues of the day, you know, like the economy and education and, you know, the international relations and so on and so forth. And it's just. It's a fascinating example of how people can have potentially adversarial conversations and not go adversarial on it. So that's something that I want as a sort of a background spirit to all of what we do here. Yesterday I was in Santa Barbara, California, at a music academy, which is a wonderful venue, but I was not there for a musical event. I was there for a think tank. Robert Tucker, who is innovation and futurist, big thinker, lives in Santa Barbara, and he hosts this every year. And he invited me to be one of the presenters this year. He calls it the Pacific Coast Futures Retreat. And there were 50 people, 5, 0, who had flown in from all over the world. And the guy seated next to me had just come from a meeting with President Macron of France. I mean, that kind of level of people were in this room. And we were discussing three subjects. Age waves, meaning longevity, and the effect it has on society and the world. Artificial intelligence, of course, everybody's talking about that, but basically that's technology. So we've got longevity, technology and climate. That was the other subject. And I was there to talk on longevity. And the nature of my talk was how to live the second half of your life as well as you live the first half or better. And he said, I don't know anybody who's more vital after 70 than you. So, you know, I'd love you to walk us through the thinking on that. How do you keep your body active, your mind active, your relationships thriving, and your business going? And so that's what I did. And I also brought a guitar and played some tunes. Opened with my resume the boom. The baby boomers are headed toward retirement. So many people are letting go. They seem to think achievement time is over. I'm here to tell them it's time to grow. So resume the boom it's time to call the roll again Resume the boom we'll rock and roll to the very end Resume the boom we still have our dreams, sweetheart. Restart. Resume the boom. So that was the way I approached it, and we just had a great discussion all day long. And I can share some insights as we go forward on this. But let's talk about having discussions like this and let's use as our. As our medium for this discussion today. Can people really change? Now, here's the reason I'm posing that. I was in a discussion recently with a person who I consider very successful and very enlightened. And he was pointing out that his partner did not believe that people could really change, that if a person's personality was whatever it was, then they were either permanently a jerk or permanently a saint or whatever, but that they couldn't really change themselves. They could just learn skills to kind of mediate the effect they had on the world. What do you think about that? Trigger? Start us off. Speaker B 09:42 Interesting that you're bringing this topic up. I was hosting, emceeing, a virtual event today. One of the individuals was speaking on aging young concept. This idea of aging young, staying active like you are, Jim. But most people do stop. They think retirement, I made it, I've achieved it, I'm done. And medical issues, mental issues, other things happen. So this idea of how do you reinvent yourself? How can people change, whether it's emotional, career, whatever. Perfect topic for the day because I don't ever see myself retiring. I don't know about anyone else in the room. So there is a youthfulness to this concept, I think of being able to change because if we're stuck in our ways, I think we've already gotten too old. Jim Cathcart 10:28 Yeah. Speaker B 10:28 And I think that's part of the gap. Anyone else want to jump in? Jim Cathcart 10:32 Let me drop a quick thought. Retire to retire from. My dad retired from the phone company early at age 62. And he didn't retire to anything except leisure. So there was no reason for him to keep growing, learning, getting better. He was just, you know, going hunting and fishing and hanging out with his friends. And his health continued to deteriorate uninterrupted and he died at age 80 with hardening of the arteries from head to foot and had gained a lot of weight. And I mean, it was just sad. I mean this is a brilliant guy that I. He was my hero all my life, you know, and, and he let go, but didn't go toward anything new. And I know other people, like my mentor and dear friend Joe Willard. He retired from MassMutual Life Insurance Company after a very successful career to a whole new career working in collaboration with his wife who is a do a doctor of osteopathic medicine. And Joe's 80ish and just thriving Speaker B 11:47 well, years ago. And again, please everyone, start jumping in. I heard a pastor say, you're either changing or you're dying. And that's always stuck with me. We are either changing, evolving, reinventing, or we are dying because we are becoming stagnant in our own life, development, family, whatever. So who else has got comments, thoughts I do. Speaker C 12:09 I believe everybody can change. And I believe that the key to it is, is taking a not so good habit and changing it to a good habit. Because at Ziglar, and having learned from Jim and the Cathcart Institute, there is a wheel of life and whatever, mental, spiritual, physical. If you're not doing so good, that habit's not so good. But if you focus on it and you're disciplined, you can change. I believe everybody can change. And that's just my two cents. Jim Cathcart 12:44 How many of you. Quick, quick little survey. How many of you believe that you have profoundly changed, that you wouldn't be the same person you are today had it not been for some self initiated change? Speaker D 13:01 Oh, yeah, absolutely. Jim Cathcart 13:03 Yeah. Speaker B 13:03 Fred, Fred, I saw your hand go up and then Dennis will come down to you next. Jim Cathcart 13:08 Yeah. Speaker E 13:09 Thank you. Thank you, Rich. Yeah, I. I completely agree in that we're all capable of changing. Jim Cathcart 13:20 Right. Speaker E 13:20 Studies show that it takes about 65 to 70 days to form a new habit. Jim Cathcart 13:30 And, and. Speaker E 13:31 All right, how does that, how does that come about? It comes about from having a desire and motivation and setting the intention and continuing on, but forming a change or a new habit, which then becomes absorbed into your lifestyle and it becomes part of your nature. And yes, absolutely, anyone can change anything they want if they have the desire to do so and then follow through with. With action steps. And this is something that I've experienced myself, and I've seen so many people around me overcome all kinds of hurdles and adversities through changing their habits. Jim Cathcart 14:21 Yeah. Michael, what about you? I know you've had more exposure to people who are in the process of changing and evolving than many of us have. What's your take on this? Speaker F 14:37 I totally believe in change and transformation. If we're not changing and transforming, we're dying. Just like you said about your father, we only use about 5% of our 10% of our brain capacity. But I read recently that by learning a musical instrument, a different language, traveling a new route to work, those things can rewire the synapses of our brain and actually help prevent Alzheimer's and dementia. So I'm learning the saxophone, I'm learning Spanish because I live in South Texas. It's a necessity, and it's the third most spoken language in the world. And all those things, I think we need to put ourselves in challenging. Read different types of books, listen to different types of music. Those things that are different than the normal routine will help rewire the brain and help facilitate change. And my uncle's a good example, lived in La Jolla for years. Like you, Jim still does 100 push ups and 100 setups every day at 90 and reads three or four books a week. He's just a brilliant, brilliant guy. But I think the brain is an amazing muscle. I notice I've been having some, some memory issues and not only does that alarm me, but that causes me to take action to prevent. I think when you study Alzheimer's and dementia, you realize it's not so much forgetting things, but it's not challenging the brain to do new things. And so to your point about people in the, in the mode of change, we have about 5 to 10% of our authors will finish their book or we'll bring them a book that we've ghostwritten for them based on their instructions and it's time to bring the book to market and they disappear. They literally fall off the face of the earth because they're at that point where I'm about to show the world my baby and I'm naked. I feel vulnerable. Jim Cathcart 16:35 I feel, yeah, exposed, Exposed to the Speaker F 16:39 world and I'm not ready. And so they just, they, they, they ghost us. And so it's always sad when that happens because writing the book or even having the book ghost written, it's a time of tremendous personal growth. And even if you're just doing it for therapeutic, cathartic reasons, go ahead and take the next step. And it's like graduating with the diploma and the college degree and not getting the job, just saying, hey, I'm finished, I'm done. Go ahead and step out there and take the next step because you're ready for your next big paycheck. And change is constant into more. We can embrace it and evolve. We can help others and bring others with us. Jim Cathcart 17:19 When you look at here I am in the dean's office at Cal Lutheran University and thinking about the students on campus. I would imagine a lot of them, not a majority by any means, but a lot of them probably think, okay, the goal is to graduate from university, not to graduate to a career, but to graduate from a school. And if you do that, of course you're going back to mom's basement. And if you don't, you know, then you're emerging into the world. I had the privilege of interviewing the Alzheimer's association experts last year. I was doing PBS show that I'm a co host of Perspectives Matter out of Dallas. So I interviewed these top thinkers and practitioners in the field of Alzheimer's. And you were spot on, Michael. There is a need to stay engaged mentally and physically As a matter of fact, exercise is huge factor in the Alzheimer's decline because absence of exercise means it's going to be rapid, and presence of exercise is going to slow that process somewhat. I served for a few years on the board of the American Council on Exercise. It just astounded me, the numbers that I saw of things that are directly affected by regular, vigorous exercise. Which goes to another quote that I came up with in China that I've used a lot since then and gotten great response. I was struggling to serve myself with chopsticks, and they all jumped up and said, oh, no, teacher, let us serve you. And I said, no, no, no, no. I want to do it. No, no, no, please, you should be served. We will serve you. I said, no. And I looked at them and I said, you know, like, I'm getting serious now. I looked at him and I said, if I don't struggle, I don't improve. And they did this. The salute, you know, the hand against the fist and a little bow. They did the salute and looked at each other like, whoa, that was cool. And I think it is cool. The idea, not me. We need to choose to have resistance. In the airport in Denver the other day, I had time between flights, and so I wandered around the concourse, but I didn't use the moving sidewalk intentionally. I needed the resistance. And I saw a bookstore, and I went in and I said, well, why not move the ball forward? And I engaged the people behind the counter, and they said, oh, you're an author. Would you like some, you know, refreshment and some snacks? And I said, no, I'm not going to buy anything. They said, no, it's free. You're an author. And then they said, would you like to. Do you come through here often? And would you like us to order some of your books? Duh. So that you could sign them on your next day through? And the answer, of course, was yes, yes and yes. And that's tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm leaving California, flying through Denver, going to the Tattered cover bookstore about 2 or 3pm Denver time. So if you're in the area, come on down. And I'll be signing books. And I lives there in Denver. It would be great if you were close to the airport and we could connect. Bravo. You know, that's the thing. Choose resistance. Who else had their hand up a minute ago? Devin, that was. That you? Speaker B 20:51 Dennis had one, and then Julie's got it. So, okay, Dennis, you've been waiting longer. Let's have Dennis go first, and then we're going to come back up to Jim Cathcart 20:58 Julie, the question for me though, with Speaker G 21:01 change is what change are you talking about? And just an observation, and I'm not going to get into the detail here, but because it's not important. But I think that something I find interesting is our self image. What we think of ourselves in my instance, and I've heard this from other people, becomes pretty much set by the time you're 19, 20, 21. Jim Cathcart 21:27 Yep. Speaker G 21:28 And in so many instances, in my case, it was wrong. You know, we don't see ourselves the way others do. And at a certain point in my life, I had to say to myself, you know, I have to trust all these other people. And so what. What I find interesting about it is my go to impression of myself is that what I had when I was 19 or 20, I have to think through who I am. And I can do that. But, you know, and it's become somewhat natural at this point, but I don't know that that is ever going to go away. But in terms of changing behavior, absolutely. And I've learned that the most important things I don't want to do. Right. The stuff that really matters, I'm not. I'm not immediately drawn to that. So I've had to work through that as well. To have a system of doing things and pushing through, like what Jim was saying, the resistance. And I've learned that in the matter of a couple of days, I'll go from not wanting to do it to being okay with it, to looking forward to it. And I'll give you an example. My wife wanted to run a half marathon some time ago. And she says, hey, babe, you know, I'd like to do this half marathon. How about we go do some training and maybe run after work? Oh, my gosh, are you kidding me? And so the first week, I hated it. Come home and every other day do a little running, go a mile. Then I'll cut to the chase here. After about a month, I couldn't wait to get my shoes on and run five miles. Jim Cathcart 23:16 Yep. Speaker D 23:17 And. Speaker G 23:17 And that was. That was when I learned that if I wanted to do something, I just had to do it. And eventually I would look forward to it. So, yes, I think you can change. But you, at least for me, you have to think it through and you have to just do it when you don't want to. Jim Cathcart 23:37 Zig Ziglar said that he. When he took up running, he hated it at first. And then one day he was running, I think on the campus of Oregon State University or something like that. He was up in the Pacific Northwest and he said, I realized during my run I was absolutely enjoying it. He said, so at first I was of course paying the price, but then I learned that I was enjoying the price and the price you pay to stay fit. I love that. There's a quote that I used on my first ever business brochure as a speaker. When I first started in the 1970s promoting myself as a speaker, I had this, this brochure. This is not it, but it was about this size, about size of a number 10 envelope. And it was a fold over, like a table tent, you know, they put up that says this is where Dennis is setting on mine. On the front it was all isn't Jim wonderful? And here pictures of Jim. And here's what Jim speaks about on the inside. On the back was just a quote from JCPenney, the retailer. And it said, no one need live a minute longer as he is because the Creator endowed you with the ability to change yourself. Now there are parts of us that can change. And like Dennis was saying his age 19, he became conscious of basically who he was around age 10. Most of the brain functions that we're going to have, most of the little parts of the brain that ultimately flesh out or online. And so if you're looking at your life from age 10 forward, it's going to look a little different than 10 backward. There's typically a very vivid imprint of that age 10, age 11 time period in a person's life when you're reflecting back. And that's because so much of your brain that wasn't even physically developed yet is now online and the DNA version of you is formed. From that day forward there can be a very, very powerful influence of your choices in how it develops, how it evolves, how it emerges. And I think it needs to be because those of us that relax our grip on our own self development end up with less satisfying lives than those who take an active role in it. And that's the beauty of our little community here. We're all actively involved in the field of self development. You know, success, achievement, positive thinking, that sort of thing. We've, I would guess that almost without exception, we've all used some of the popular instruments like disc or some of those other tools for feedback from other people to tell us how do we come across to the world. Julie, you had some comments. Speaker H 26:42 I do. So for years I've been saying that the lowest level of consciousness is the known or stasis. So I'll say if I'm Being dramatic. I'll say. The known is a graveyard. It's a closed casket. It's the land of no possibilities. Because once you think you know something, you've actually given your mind a command to actually prove that that's right. And it filters everything else out. And the highest level of consciousness is wonder and is curiosity, right? Or service or creativity and plagues. There's all that flexibility in there. Being a beginner. So the question, real question is, why is it so darn hard for us taught to change? And I believe. Have any of you read the War of Art by Steven Pressfield? Okay, so. Oh, my gosh, this book, Steven Pressfield, he wrote it. And he talks about how for 10 years, he drove around as a truck driver with a typewriter in the back of his truck for 10 years before he had the courage to pull it out and write his first novel. And so the War of Art means anytime we make a declaration to write that book or paint that painting or sing that song or make our waist smaller, what happens is it summons up resistance. And he calls out resistance. And he says, you think resistance isn't real? It'll bury you. And so his way of like, well, you got to beat resistance. And how you do that is you GoPro and you put it on your calendar, and every day you're going to write, even if it's crap, you're just going to write it. And the timer stops. Well, of course, he summons the muses first. He's got a whole process for that. But then he writes, and then as soon as this time's up, he shuts the door. He doesn't care if it's good or if it's bad. He's beat resistance. And that's really what we're up against. And this is an interesting conversation because a colleague of mine has put me in a program. It's called, I think, Positive Intelligence. But they talk about how we have our saboteurs, and they help you name your saboteurs, and then the opposite is the. The sage. And so I'm going through this program, and they're doing these really simple pattern interrupts so that you can just, in a moment, it can even be just touching and feeling, getting you fully present so that you can access your inner sage and have an interrupt for the saboteur. And so really, how we're wired as humans is the default is that victim, powerless, helpless victim to life. And then, you know, versus the owner, right? Or the creator. And so that's the difference of going between the two. Is how do you interrupt? And as my, one of my first coaches, Steve Chandler, says, it's bad robot until it's good robot. You just have to consistently do it. And I, I recommend very small steps so that. Jim Cathcart 29:53 The War of Art, I like that, a play on the war, Art of War by Sun Tzu. But the War of Art, that's good. By the way, Earl Nightingale said something that kind of parallels with that. He said many people's lives are lived in a rut. And he said a rut is just a grave with the ends knocked out. And isn't that the truth? If you just keep following the same routine over and over and over again, I mean, you're not fully living. And I believe, as my literary agent, Margaret McBride said to me one time, she said, jim, I was reading your manuscript for the Acorn Principle, and a line occurred to me. Here's the line. The purpose of life is living, really living. And I adopted that and put it in the book. And absolutely, the purpose of life is, think about it, even for an amoeba, what's it trying to do? Thrive. It's trying to really live. Any plant, any virus, any animal, anything in the world that's alive. Its inherent job genetically is to live more fully. Well, what does that mean for you and me? It means mentally, physically, family, socially, spiritually, career, financially, emotionally, to let it all have its place and time and to flourish in whatever we're doing. You know, if your whole life is lived, diminishing the emotional side of it and kind of trying not to have sadness and not to have elation and stay between those extremes, well, then your life's being unexpressed in some ways. Now, there's times not to be really sad. There's times it's absolutely the way you should feel. And if you deny the emotion, you postpone it. And as it gets postponed, it becomes more powerful. And the longer you deny it, the more disastrous its arrival is going to be. So we've got to make room for whatever challenges there are in life. And if we don't feel any challenges, any resistance, we need to get down, do some push ups or put a rock in between us and our goal or something so that we've got to work a little bit harder. Take the stairs, as my colleague Rory Baden says, you know, don't, don't do the escalator, for heaven's sakes. Get on the steps and get some resistance. Speaker B 32:29 Jim, I want to jump in for a second. Because the big question of the day, for those of joining late Is can people change? Amy in the chat has a great point here. She said, yes, if the discipline and the desire to change are there. It's the two D's, discipline and desire. We haven't touched too much on that. I'm curious, does anyone have any thoughts on discipline and desire? Jim Cathcart 32:51 The position of them? The desire is the only thing that would engage the discipline. Speaker B 32:58 That's very true. What does anyone else have to say on that? Jim Cathcart 33:01 Devin? Speaker I 33:02 Yeah, I have some thoughts on this. It's actually interesting. I met Jim three weeks ago at the Oregon NSA chapter. It was the same week I finished the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. And it's think of the end in mind. Right? Jim Cathcart 33:15 Yeah, yeah. Speaker I 33:15 Begin with the end in mind. And then I listened to Jim's talk where he said, what you put into the world is what you get out of the world. Like the goals you set. And then there's another one. I had a thought. I was listening to a speaker last week at a visage summit. His name was Sandy Gennaro. And from a kid, he wanted to go and just perform in a large stay. So like 30, 20 to 30 years of practicing and he had the end in mind. And then it was all in the same month. And I didn't know my purpose or like what I want to go for. So I really took some time in his last three weeks of what I want to accomplish in my life and for my family. And it's the discipline that matters. I'm not sure who here has read Atomic Habits, but like doing the hard things. Dennis mentioned this. For the last two weeks, ever since Jim spoke, I blocked out from 9am to 10am to cold call. I hated it at first, but it's actually not that bad right now because I'm just like used to it, right? It's that discipline. I'm seeing the fruits of my labor. Jim Cathcart 34:07 I've. Speaker I 34:07 I've never closed as much in a single week at the beginning of the month. And it's because I was doing those hard things. So I think it's. Have your purpose. Because I'm. Speaker B 34:17 I think I have a different perspective. Speaker I 34:18 I'm 25 years old, so I don't know if I'm the youngest in the room, but I didn't know my purpose. And just this last month, it's crazy how everything came together and now I have the discipline, these, these habits that I put in place every day for the last two weeks. I'm excited to see what that's going to do for me a year from now. So it's just kind of my personal perspective or last month. And this is really recent, so I love that. Jim Cathcart 34:38 I love that. And I love that you're 25 years old, because I've been 25. Three times. Three times I've been 25. Wow. Speaker B 34:47 I thought you were turning at 30 Speaker I 34:48 this year and I had no idea. Jim Cathcart 34:50 Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that. Gosh, Leslie, there were so many thoughts to come back to you on with that. And I fell in love with my little funny line about three times. I don't want to let that go and throw it to you, Trigger. Speaker B 35:09 No, actually one of the things you bring up there is the next one that got thrown in by Amy was dedication. The dedication you show a practicing, practicing doing. Now you say you actually enjoy it. That's where the dedication kicks in, I think. Right? Jim Cathcart 35:22 Yep. Speaker B 35:22 I mean, that's the payoff. Jim Cathcart 35:25 I just remembered what it was I wanted to comment on. Devin was saying he was making cold calls. And one of the points that I make rather strongly in my work on relationship selling is which somebody early, early, early in sales training, sales management made two mistakes. They came up with the use of the word cold in relation to sales calls and it became popular. And it's the dominant word used to indicate new calls or first calls. Well, the problem with it is it brings along the mindset that accompanies it. What, what makes it cold? Well, they haven't heard from you. Well, that has no temperature. Oh, so it would be stranger calls. Now that's a little awkward. When I call them what they are first calls or new calls. You know, it's a call on someone that doesn't know you, isn't expecting to hear from you. What's the purpose of it? To make a sale? No, to find out if they're a prospect. And if you find out they're a prospect, you either continue toward a sale or you schedule it for something or whatever. But the point of it is it's a first call. A lot of people dread cold calls because they think they're an interruption and an unwelcome intrusion into other people's day. But if you think of it as a new call or a first call, then the way you framed it mentally puts it in a positive or neutral status so that there's no stain on it going in. The other thing that, that whoever it was that came up with sales training in the first place said wrong is close. Because you don't close a sale. You might finalize a sale on something that's a one time purchase, but the last step in a sale is where the person purchases the item that's confirming the sale. If you call it closing the sale, then the implication is it's closed. What does that mean? It's over. No follow up is necessary. If it's confirmed, then it's official. And absolutely follow up is necessary because now we've got a beginning. Now we're committed to each other. So first calls and confirming the sale. All right, just future thinking for you, Devin, and everybody else. Back to you, Trigger. Speaker B 38:02 Now this is great. Throwing things out, defining things, clarifying. That's what we're doing here in the parlor. Who else has got comments on this idea? Can you change? All right, go for it. I see the hand pop up there. Jodi. Speaker J 38:16 I love change. I don't want to live the same life over and over, year after year. And I think the meaning of life is to give life meaning. So we have to do those things that inspire us so that we give ourselves meaning. And it's different for everyone. And I talk to people who are middle aged and they have been working so hard at something for 20, 25 years and they haven't found that meaning yet. But I think if you have a can do attitude, all you have to do is find that meaning and then your attitude will get you there. So I think attitude is more important than anything. And I believe that you have to continuously improve yourself. So when I met Jim when I was in my early 20s and he taught me this quote that literally changed my life. Devin, if he didn't teach you this quote, it's how would the person I would like to be do the things I'm about to do? And I say thing instead of things Because I literally have to boil it down to what's that one thing I'm about to do? Because there's a lot of things I should be doing, but what's that one thing? So then I had to go through this thought process of, well, who do Speaker H 39:30 I look up to? Speaker J 39:32 Who do I want to be like? And so you need mentors in your life. Always as many as possible from different areas of life so that you can get these different viewpoints and go to them when you have these questions that really are difficult. So I think change is exciting and I love it. And I wake up at 5 o' clock in the morning. I don't use an alarm clock. I haven't and I don't know how many years. I wake up, I am so motivated, and for the first couple of hours I do what Earl Nightingale said to do, which was study, But I do Speaker H 40:06 it for two hours. Speaker J 40:07 Earl said, do it for one hour. I've done it for two hours for years. So I feel like as far as self improvement goes, I can guide people through self improvement because I've read all the books, and I love the change. And you just got to inspire people to figure out what is it that gives them that meaning. Jim Cathcart 40:25 I love that. That is beautiful. Thank you. You know, by the way, Ana Thalass said that the attitude of gratitude is such a powerful thing. I absolutely agree with that, because gratitude is like the master of all emotions. You know, if you're grateful, then it directs everything else in so many positive ways. But, Jodi, you mentioned the quote yesterday. I was with my son. He's the resort manager for the Four Seasons Biltmore Hotel in Santa Barbara, which is going through renovations right now, and he's been with Four seasons hotels for 25 years. And he showed me his phone yesterday. He said, dad, I want you to see this. I want you to look at my screensaver. And I looked at it, and it was that quote. My son is 52 years old, and it was that quote. And he said, here's how I use that. And he was very specific about how he guides himself every day. You know, how would. How would the person I'd like to be dressed. How would the person I'd like to be react to this annoying person? How would the person I'd like to be used this time stuck in traffic? How would the person I'd like to be deal with this injury? Oh, my gosh. To know that. I mean, he heard that first when he was a teenager, and here he is, 52 years old and the guy that others look up to, and he's still getting value from it. That just shows you the power of a thought, man, I love that trigger. Get some other input. And then I see Amy. Speaker B 42:06 Amy's been on microphone. Amy's been dropping in the chat, but Amy's got her digital hand up, so I'm hoping, Amy, you're going to join us verbally here. Amy, come on. Speaker K 42:13 Yes. Yes. I just wanted to say that I'm the exact opposite of Jody. I hate change. I struggle with it. I'm neurodivergent, so I struggle with change. Just as a matter of biology. And to sum up the last 40 minutes of what Jim has been talking about, I did not like the anger that I held inside during the pandemic. And we had tragedy in our family because of the pandemic and the Coronavirus. And I didn't like who I was becoming. And one thing that I wanted to point out is that yes, you can change. One can change if they have the desire, the dedication, the discipline. But sometimes people need to recognize that they cannot make those changes alone. They need help. Whether it's professional help, pharmaceutical help, plant based help, what have you. I needed help. So I had great mentors around me that helped me learn transcendental meditation, that helped me tap into a spiritual level that makes me aware of how I'm feeling and aware of how my behavior and my thought process can, can be hurtful not only to myself, but to other people. So recognition I want to put as the fourth D, even though it starts with an R, because you have to recognize, you have to be aware that you need to make a change. And, and you can't. You can't make a change unless you're aware that a change needs to be made. So those are the points that I wanted to. Jim Cathcart 43:49 Excellent. Thank you for that. Two quick comments. One is, everything starts with self awareness. If you're not self aware, then you're going to have occasions where others Speaker K 44:03 shock Jim Cathcart 44:04 you with moments of awareness and you go, oh my gosh, I feel horrible. If only I'd known. Well, you could have known in many of those cases. Because if we're intentionally self aware, constantly kind of helicopter up a few feet and look at ourselves to see how we're behaving and say, is that what I choose or is that just what I'm feeling? And make a better choice. But you have to be able to do a pattern interrupt. As Julie was saying earlier, you got to do a pattern interrupt long enough to reflect for a moment and say, is this the way I want to go or should I make a better choice? By the way, another thing you said, Amy, was you hate change or don't like change. I disagree with that way of saying it. I understand your feeling behind it, but here's why I disagree with that way of saying it. People have said to me and to groups in a seminar setting, well, everybody hates change. And then it's my turn to speak and I say, you know, nobody hates change. And they say, well, that's just not true. I say, well, okay, let's say you and I are going to the movie tonight. Do you want to see the movie you saw in the past or do you want to see a new one? Well, a new one. Well, do you want to go to exactly the same time, sitting exactly the same chair, and have the same food with the same people and have the same discussion after the movie about that movie. Well, no, no. Do you want to always go to the same restaurant or would you like to try that one that just opened down the street? Well, I. You know what, what they're talking about when they say they hate change is they hate being uncomfortable, they hate being uncertain, they hate fear, they hate the transition process, maybe, but change, we all look forward to change. If every day were the same, we'd go insane. You know that one of the jobs that has the highest suicide rate is toll booth operator. Because unless you actively engage in it in a way that stimulates variety, it's rote, you know, this movement, this movement, this movement. And then you get to go home and drink yourself into a stupor because you got to recover from this hideous day you just had. But it didn't have to be that way. You know, you could come up with 15 different creative ways to brighten someone's day without lengthening their time in the toll booth. And then experiment with better ways until you get it down to a science. And then you spend your whole day making people happy. All of a sudden you brought purpose into a routine behavior. So here's something I want to share with you real quick. This is from yesterday, from this futures conference. I printed this out. A friend of mine sent it to me. Can you read? Says the year is 1922. Okay. For those listening in audio, the year is 1922. Here's some statistics. Now, I don't know how scientifically accurate this is, but a lot of it probably is. Based on my experience with the world, the average life expectancy in 1922, that's 101 years ago, was 47 years. 47 years. Today it's 79 in the US and I think 85 in Japan. Fuel for cars in 1922 was only sold drugstores. 18% of households had at least one full time servant or domestic help. That's working class people had domestic help. My dad was a telephone repairman, a lineman for the county, you know, who drove the main road searching in the. Okay. My dad was a telephone man for 35 years. Mom was at home with me and my sister and my invalid grandfather in the front room who had been disabled 100% by a stroke and had to be cared for 24, 7. And my grandmother was more of a needing care person than a helpful care person. Mom's taking care of two babies or two kids and two older people and dads on the road. We had a helper, her Name was Birdie Lee Johnson. And Birdie Lee Johnson came every day. She rode the bus, came over to our house, wore her little hat, and she'd come up the front porch with her big old purse and we'd let her in. And she'd take care of us all day while mom was doing whatever mom had to do to take care of my grandparents. So 18% of households had domestic help. The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 miles per hour. Average US wage was 22 cents an hour. Most women washed their hair once a month with egg yolks or borax. Canned beer, crossword puzzles and iced tea hadn't yet been invented. My son said iced tea ever. People drank tea. Yeah, but people didn't have much access to ice. In 1922, two out of every ten adults couldn't read or write. In America, two out of every ten, only 6% of all Americans had graduated high school. More than this one kills me. More than 95% of all births took place at home. At home. And only six, let's say no. Where is it? There's somewhere in here. The number of homes that had a bathtub, 14%. And Canada had a law against having poor people enter their country. It was illegal for poor people to enter the country of Canada. Speaker J 50:22 Lord. Jim Cathcart 50:23 All of that's mindset based. I mean, it's reality based, of course, but the mindset of that. When you compare 1922 to. To 2023, wow. Yeah. We can change ourselves, and we have changed ourselves quite radically as a society, as a world, as individuals. But what parts of us don't change? Speaker B 50:52 Well, that's gonna be those foundational principles of guiding ethics, morals, the things that we're really from childbirth all the way that are really bass rock within us, probably. Julie, I know you were chomping at the bit earlier. I could see you wanted to jump through the screen. I think so. Please come on back. Julie, what did you have added in? Speaker H 51:12 Well, one thing that's never going to change is I will never be a morning person. Jim Cathcart 51:17 Amen. Speaker H 51:18 Not gonna happen. Okay, so I have a theme song in my head. I'll sing the chorus if y' all would like, like. And it ties in with Devin actually finding his purpose and that aliveness that Jim was talking about. It's like there's this discipline and we got to do this and this. And I'm like, well, if we can just get up to, well, will this bring me liberation? Will this bring me more freedom in my life? Can I actually just be more alive? So I'll just. The chorus. Is this all right? Because it's not my life it's now or never I ain't gonna live forever oh, wait, you ain't gonna. I'm sorry, I did a parody. Cause it's my life it's now or never I ain't gonna live forever I just wanna live while I'm alive My heart is like an open highway Like Frankie said I did it my way I just want to live while I'm alive why? Because it's my life. There's that like. Yeah. Jim Cathcart 52:29 Thank you for that. Speaker F 52:31 That may. Speaker B 52:32 That might be the intro for the show. When we play that back. That might be the intro. Speaker H 52:38 I actually have a professional video of just the chorus I can send you. But it says it's your life. Yeah, I can. That. That sounds way better than this. So. Jim Cathcart 52:47 Yeah. Speaker B 52:48 Anna, please, please jump on in here. Jim Cathcart 52:50 Oh, yeah. Hey, Anna. Speaker D 52:52 Hi. Good afternoon, everyone. You know, I just wanted to touch on something because a lot of what has been spoken of has been voluntary change and people that are someone that's looking within themselves and introspection and reflection and to change their life. But when something happens that is so drastically horrific and a tragic happenstance to your life where you are forced to change, you don't have a choice. What decision do you make then? How do you go about it at that time? Who do you run to when you find out who your true friends are, who your real God is, who your real family is? When you are rocked so deep to the depths of that hole that you can't climb out of that it takes everything inside of you to be able just to see a glimpse of light. That is the kind of change that I think of when I hear of motivational and trying to change, because I believe that our country has been through such hardship and again, change. And I hate to be redundant with The COVID with 2022, with the mass shootings, and I hate to be this person to bring this stuff up on this call, but not everything is a box of kittens. So some change is not voluntary. We have to do it. So at that point, you make a decision. Am I going to go up? Am I going to stay stagnant? Or am I going to spiral down even further? Jim Cathcart 54:47 Powerful power. Absolutely. Thank you, Anna. Yeah. Don't feel reluctant to bring up the more serious side of these things because this is not a, you know, puppies and flowers discussion. It's a. It's a real world parlor discussion about important ideas among interesting people and. And the purpose of this is to give us some more enlightenment on the, on the subject of the day. You know, there are parts of us that, that are genetic and that's just so. And you know, it's like I'm 5 foot 9 inches tall and for me to aspire to be 6ft is ineffective goal. So I've got genetic limitations. At the same time, I'm imprinted deeply by my background. I've got values that I was taught. I've got values that are part of who I am, that I was not taught. They were just. They are part of me. And I explain that more in the book the Acorn principle. Natural values, learned values. But then there are also the effect of the people I've been with, their worldview, the circumstances I've been through. You know, I've been through some pretty scary things, not to the extent that Ana is referring to, but I've been through some, some really challenging moments where I didn't know if I was going to be alive the next day. And so I get how powerful that can be. But it all comes back to what Amy was referring to earlier and that self awareness. We've got to not only be willing to be more self aware, we've got to be committed to being more self aware, to realize where we're at. Because I remember when I was going through a very difficult time with my sister years ago, who died prematurely from a digestive disorder that no one knew how to resolve. She behaved in ways that caused an awful lot of problems in the family for a while. And I was going through that and I was not aware that it was showing up on the job. And a friend of mine pointed that out to me one day and it was one of those cold splashes of water, you know, a moment of harsh reality when I realized that I was in some ways trying to get therapy through my work and it was not, not possible. And I had to get back and think about it and kind of reconsider the way I was approaching just my day to day behavior because I didn't realize it was showing. It's kind of like you do realize you got something on your face. Jim. No. Why didn't someone tell me? I just gave a speech. I was just on television, national audience. Speaker B 57:43 Oh my God. Jim Cathcart 57:44 What? What is it? No, the other side. Oh, you know, I mean, we've got to be eager to be self aware, not just willing. And that's a big deal. Well, we're coming up on the hour right here, so let's make sure we, we cover anything we really need to cover real quickly. And let me point out one thing AI yesterday I asked ChatGPT what do I need to do personally to keep you from making me obsolete? And ChatGPT said, well Jim, you need to focus on the following five things. Innovation, critical thinking, emotional intelligence, adaptability, complex problem solving. By developing these skills, you can position yourself as a valuable expert in a field that I cannot easily replace. That's reassuring. Trigger. Speaker B 58:38 You know I want to go back to honest comment as we wind down here today because I think it we we did a lot of great in depth self awareness, self changing on that big question, can we change the question? I also think and Ana, thank you very much for bringing this up because when you're thrust into a situation that forces you to change like you have gone through and I went through with a liver transplant and many of us have our own crucible moment where you are forced to change. Part of the other question, I think what does not change? What are those things with your faith, your hope? What are the things that you know will not change that will help you go through the change that you're forced to go through? Another great Wisdom Parlor conversation here today. And as always we do want to remind you it's brought to you by the Cathcart Institute Experts. It's an Expert Academy, a 12 month membership that results in people receiving the CPE Certified Professional Expert designation. Learn more about from the expert himself, Jim Cathcart. The information is in the chat and of course it will be on the podcast Replay as well. And by the way, we do this every month the Wisdom Parlor gathers like this, experts, friends, colleagues to share wisdom in part and grow. And Jim Cathcart, thank you once again for bringing us together for another monthly gathering of the Wisdom Parlor. Jim Cathcart 59:57 Thank you for being such a great show host, Trigger. It's terrific to work with you. And Wisdom Parlor is always on Wisdom Wednesday. What's that? That's the first Wednesday of every month and it's always at noon Pacific, 2pm Central, 3pm Eastern. And I won't leave you out 1pm Mountain Time. And the purpose of it all is to encourage more open dialogue in a caring atmosphere, intelligent, interesting people focusing on important ideas. Let's do that more often at home, let's do it more often together here and let's foster that more in our society. Thank you for joining me today. Thank you for joining us today in the Wisdom Parlor, a thoughtful discussion of important ideas among people who are committed to succeeding in life. If you are committed to making more success happen in your own life. Go right now to my website, free.cathcart.com and download my free ebook. And then watch the video. If you decide that you'd like my assistance in helping grow your success, then come with me and let's discover how much more successful you can be.